


Up and Down

by firebreathingrubberduckiemadeofc



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom, sabriel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Dark, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, I Tried, I repeat SLOW BUILD, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm doing a thing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, but i swear a happy ending, cas has depression/ptsd, happy ending i swear, i know I'm forgetting something but what?, just lots of emotion, kinda sad destiel, taking care of cas, wow thats a lot of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 43,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6404230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebreathingrubberduckiemadeofc/pseuds/firebreathingrubberduckiemadeofc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel had an accident. Well, thats what everyone called it. Back in high school he met someone he thought was right for him. Oh god was he wrong. Now almost a year later, still recovering from what had been done to him, he might be able to finally find true peace of mind with a green eyed, leather jacket wearing pie eater. But only if he can let this man get close enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hey Jude...

“Thats all for today, have a nice weekend.” Everyone packed their notebooks and practice sheets in their bags and left for whatever excitement they had planned for that weekend, leaving Professor C. Novak alone in the small music room to clean up and close the piano lids. Castiel Novak was a 27 year old piano teacher at the community college in Lawrence Kansas. He taught classes on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays with two classes a day. One at 10am-12pm and the other at 4pm-6pm. The days he didn't have classes, he was keeping himself busy with…well, anything. Any sort of distraction was welcome to him. If he wasn't distracted he, and everyone else, was afraid he would relapse.

A knock at the door startled him into dropping the lid of the grand piano so it closed with a loud bang. “Hey bro! The family’s going out to dinner for Anna’s birthday at 8, did you get her a present?” It was Gabriel, one of Castiel’s many adopted siblings. One he was closest to besides his twin brother Jimmy. Gabriel also worked at the college as a nursing instructor. He only worked two days a week but with longer hours.

“I was planning on getting her a gift card to World Market. She still likes that store right?” Castiel began fumbling with his tie, a habit he picked up when he began to feel awkward or nervous. This would be the first year he would help celebrate a family members birthday in a long time since his accident. So he wasn't sure if he had a good idea for a present or not.

“Yeah she’s been raving about the nice pillows and crap she’ll never use since forever ago. I’ll drive us to the store since your cars still getting repaired at that crap yard” Castiel relaxed a little with his good guess on a present.

“Its not a crap yard, its called ‘Singer Salvage Yard’ and my car only needed an oil change.” feeling the need to correct his brother.

“Its a crap yard. And your cars crappy.” Noticing the time, Gabriel grabbed him by the arm “Come on or we’ll be old by the time we get there” he said as he pulled Castiel out the door. Castiel looked slightly offended.

“You think its crappy?” Gabriel just let out a loud laugh and continued to pull him to his car.

* * *

 

The drive was slow due to Friday night traffic. Gabriel was getting noticeably irritated. Not only had the cashier at World Market known Cas, but had also heard about his accident. They only called it an accident, because they didn't want Castiel to feel at fault for anything. No one liked to talk about it, and It still gave Castiel nightmares. Not wanting his brother to have a panic attack, Gabriel quickly bought the gift card, and had rushed them both out of the store only to be stopped again by traffic.

“Come on damn it. Move.” Gabriel muttered. Castiel felt the tension rising and felt the need to reassure his brother of his well being.

“Gabriel I'm fi-“ he began but was instantly cut off by his brother who, from experience, knew better than to trust Castiel when he said ‘I'm fine’.

“Don't start that with me Cas. Your a terrible liar. That bitch had no right to ask about something so personal! Who the hell does she think she is? Head reporter of Gossip Times? Does she have any idea of what social norms are?” Castiel closed his mouth, leaned back in his seat, and continued to look out the window as his brother continued his fuming in silence.

“I could have paid for it. The gift card I mean.” Castiel said trying to ease the tension in the small car. Gabriel let out a small sigh and tried to relax as the traffic began to move ever so slowly.

“You can pay me back. But you should let big brother take care of you sometimes. I don't mind.” He gave Castiel over exaggerated puppy eyes and a pouty lip. Castiel tried to keep a straight face but couldn't hold it for long and gave a small chuckle.

“Watch the road you assbutt” Gabriel laughed too and directed his attention back to the slowly moving traffic in front of him. They continued the making of faces and throwing of bad insults until Castiel said “Turn left here. This road can take us to the restaurant.”

“Okie-dokie” Gabriel put on his turn signal as he began to turn left just as a man in a leather jacket ran in front of him to cross the street. The car screeched to a halt and the man gave him the finger. Gabriel honked profusely and began yelling at the man “THOUGH SHALLT NOT CROSS THE STREET WHILST THE RED HAND IS UP, JACKASS!!!” Castiel put his face in his hands at his brothers lame uproar. Of corse Gabriel would use old bible verses to slander the idiocy of a man crossing the street. Its what their father did, and Gabriel was always one to follow in their fathers footsteps. Right next to Michael. When he looked up, the man had already bounded in the direction he was headed for.

“Gabriel you have serious road rage, you need to get it under control” Castiel remarked as soon as the car began to move again. Gabriel quieted,cas he parked the car in front of the restaurant, and looked at Castiel with a serious expression.

“Its not road rage, its a quick reaction to bullshit.” And he quickly got out of the car before he could hear Castiel’s reaction. Their family was already in the restaurant and they were late. Castiel only prayed no one asked him how he was feeling. He felt nauseous just thinking about answering any questions about the current state of his well being. Noticing Castiel tense up as soon as he exited the car, Gabriel slung a arm around his shoulder and leaned into his ear. "Its going to be fine. No ones going to bring it up. I promise." Castiel gave him his most grateful expression and, somewhat shakily, followed Gabriel into the restaurant.


	2. Don't Make it Bad...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party, and the morning after.

Dinner went as expected, as the whole family was there. Castiel’s father, Chuck Novak, rented out the entire restaurant for their family to use. The Novak family had owned a major Architect company that had specially designed Chapels and Cathedrals, but had extended to designing other smaller structures such as hotels, orphanages and ballrooms. Michael was following in his fathers footsteps to lead the company, where most of Castiel’s other siblings thought it was easier to just simply get an office job there. Their grandfather, long since retired and looking like death himself, was giving Michael pointers on what can be done to improve things in the company. In all honesty though, Grandpa Novak’s favorite grandchild was Lucifer. He always gave him a good laugh and reminded him of Lucy, his late daughter in law.

She always wanted a big family as soon as she married Chuck, but was unable to have children, so they adopted. Michael, Lucifer (named after Lucy) and Gabriel were the only ones who got the chance to meet her before she died 4 years later. Chuck lived out her dream of having a big family by continuing to adopt, but couldn't stand the idea of remarrying. And now his family has gotten pretty big.

“So you finally show up? What took you so long?” Anna said jokingly as Gabriel approached her with castiel in tow. She gave Gabriel a quick hug and gave Castiel a long hug and tight squeeze before saying “Im so glad you made it Cassie. How much did Gabriel spend on my present?” she asked, expecting Gabriel to be cheep on her birthday.

“I happened to get you a $50 gift card to World Market. Cas here forgot it was your birthday.” Gabriel stated proudly with a smirk.

Castiel began stuttering, taking his brothers statement literally. “I- I- I had the idea to give her the card! Why are you lying?” Anna gave Gabriel a pinch on the arm and hip as he tried and failed to avoid her attack.

“OK! Ok! You win this round. But next time, I shall prevail!” Gabriel dashed off to the desert table, where he saw Lucifer waving him over and stuffing his face with cookies, leaving a giggling Anna and Castiel to talk and catch up with each other.

“So are you staying long or are you going home early? Dad, gramps and Lucifer have been looking forward to seeing you after almost, what? A month? They think theres still a lot of stuff to catch up on. Also, how are your classes?” Anna asked, taking a glass of sparkling alcohol off a passing waiters tray.

"They're going fine this semester. One student is still trying to learn ‘Katyusha’ but he’ll get it soon enough. And theres not much to catch up on since I don't really do much anymore. Other than living with the beast that is Gabriel, theres nothing really worth mentioning.” Before Anna could reply, Jimmy and Balthazar came over to take Castiel to the bar. Possibly to get him drunk.

Anna could only give a sad look. He looked tired, exhausted even. Like he hadn't gotten a full nights sleep in days. If he was getting any sleep at all. All because of him. Looking back, she regretted not stepping in or calling Castiel whenever she had the chance.

They never saw him much after high school, but never questioned it, as long as he was getting his education and being happy. He was getting his education, that was true. But he was the furthest he could possibly get from happy. It was when the investigators found him, and the therapists tried to speak to him that they were told he may never trust anyone again.

That he might need round the clock surveillance and heavy medication to be stable enough to function as a human being again. But here he was. Talking to his family, working at a college, looking for an apartment and (hopefully) learning how to trust people enough to tell them if somethings wrong. He looked like he was eating well again too. Castiel was going strong, even if the bags under his eyes said differently. Thats what she repeated to herself until she believed it.

 

* * *

 

  _Its dark. Its ice cold. He’s lying on the floor, curled up to keep as warm as his bare body will possibly allow. Shivering. He can feel the collar around his neck. Footsteps echo down what he knows are stairs. With each step, the collar gets tighter…tighter…tighter…_

He bolts up in a sweat. Its cold and hot at the same time and he throws his hands over his mouth struggling not to scream. He instantly knows where he is, but his body still reacts to the nightmares. For the first three months he wouldn't realize it was a nightmare, and Gabriel would come bursting in his room every time to calm Castiel down and tell him that it was over. That no one could touch him now. He always felt like an inconvenience to Gabriel, waking him up early in the morning with his screams just to sooth his night terrors. So he learned to stop screaming in the morning.

His headache throws him out of his thoughts and he rushes to the bathroom to throw up whatever had made it past his lips at Anna’s party. He never throws up from a hangover. He only throws up a few hours after he eats. This action however, has improved over the past few months with the right medication and diet plan. When he first started eating again, he couldn't get to a second spoonful before he tossed everything back up and was on his hands and knees dry heaving. Once he's done and flushes the toilette, he decides its best to shower now that he's up. Try to forget the nightmares, just like every morning.

Hot water runs down his body and over the scars that he doesn't believe can fully heal, and as he's washing the conditioner from his hair he realizes…theres still hot water. Either Gabriel isn't up yet or he slept in far too late. He turns off the shower and dries himself off. he pokes his head out of the bathroom to his alarm clock by his bead. 11:30am. Gabriel hadn't woken him up this morning. This was odd.

He steps out of the bathroom, gets dressed, grabs his phone (he cant live without it) puts it in his pocket, and goes down the hall to his brothers room. The rest of the house was quiet, so Gabriel wasn't in any of the other rooms. He knocks on his brothers door and waits. Nothing. Knocking once more, and still not receiving an answer he decides to take the risk and turn the knob.

He’s greeted with the sight of his brothers slightly messy room (not unusual) but something was off. He can see a body in the blankets, but its to long to be his brothers. Wasn't Gabriel kinda short? His Hangover must be messing up his judgment. He walks over to make sure he’s still breathing. Or possibly if he wants breakfast.

He edges closer and pulls down the cover just slightly and, the body moves. Its sits up and oh god thats not his brother! It is however a very tall man with long hair. And why does he have no shirt? Castiel stares for a minute and then it hits him. Oh. _OOOOOOOH!!_

He finally understands whats going on after a solid minute of awkward starring from this tall stranger, and quite possibly a horrified and confused look from Castiel who for the life of him, couldn't figure out what was going on. “SORRY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GABE!!!” he yells throwing his hands up and dashing out the room.

He doesn't know how, but suddenly he's getting his shoes on and ready to burst out the door when Gabriel walks through with a bag of food in his hands. Castiel practically shouts “Who was that?!” pointing in the direction of the bedrooms. Gabriel chuckles and turns behind him to lock the door to their small house.

“Didn't you get my message? I told you who he was and not to wake him” Castiel scrambles to find his phone, and pull it free from his pocket. Castiel looks and looks but there is no text or voicemail from Gabriel.

“You didn't send anything.” Gabriel pauses and starts contemplating why Castiel would say that.

“Oh yeah…I meant to but I figured you might sleep for the rest of the day. I meant to send ‘Guy I met while you were drunk off your ass is in my room. He was a waiter at the party. He drove us home. Don't wake him.’ but you did exactly that huh?” he grins and pokes at his brothers stomach. And as he said this the tall stranger walked into the living room wearing jeans, a dress shirt and an awkward smile on his face.

“Hi. Im uh… sorry about scaring you earlier, um… I'm Sam.” He says kindly as his smile goes from 'This is awkward' to 'Its a pleasure to meet you' and he sticks out his arm for a handshake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its kinda long. Was ready to keep this ball rolling, thank you for leaving kudos!


	3. Take a sad song, and make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel feels awkward around Sam.

While Gabriel got the plates out and set up the table, Castiel sat on the far end of the table across from Sam. He still didn't know much about Sam and was tiptoeing around him as much as possible. Castiel kept his hands folded in front of him simply so he had something to look at other than this tall stranger in his brothers home. Sam seemed to feel the need to say something and break the silence but the thought of what exactly he should say escaped him. So for a few minutes the only sound in the kitchen was the coffee pot brewing enough for three. Gabriel appeared to take an eternity gathering the dishes and wasn't coming to the table any time soon.

“So, Gabe told me that you work as a music professor at the college. What do you teach? Any specialties?” Sam had a good subject thought up, but Castiel didn't seem comfortable speaking to him until Gabriel FINALLY came with plates full of pancakes, utensils and napkins.

“Cas here teaches piano, but the school will only pay for three of them so most of the students just tap on plastic piano desk covers. Right Cas?” Gabriel nudged his brother with his elbow (not at all stealthy) to try and pry words out of his mouth.

“Huh? Oh, um I teach piano, but the school will only pay for three of them… so most of the students play on piano-like desk covers.” Castiel says still focusing on his hands. He teaches a classroom full of students, why cant he handle one person his brother slept with?

“Yeah we’ve established that, you wanna maybe elaborate?” Gabriel says with an amused smile looking from Sam to Castiel. Castiel couldn't bring himself to say anymore. So once again Gabriel had to improvise. “So Sam said he has an older brother. Dean right? Dean works at Singer Salvage Yard and says he can bring your crappy car over for you if you want?”

“That would be very nice of him, thank you Sam.” Castiel nearly whispered. He felt like such an inconvenience to their breakfast. He felt incredibly nervous around Sam, who he was positive was very kind because Gabriel liked him and had slept with him. He felt like he shouldn't be there. Things would be so much better if he wasn't there imposing on their meal and making everyone feel awkward… He was about to excuse himself from the table until Sam spoke up.

“Actually, instead of dropping it off, we could all meet up for dinner and you could pick it up there?” Castiel looked up for the first time after sitting with this stranger. Didn't he feel awkward enough around him as it was? Why would he even consider taking him out to lunch for something as simple as a car pickup?

“Sounds good right Cas? I know a good place downtown that has really good shrimp.” Ah. Sam simply has an interest in his brother. And his brother seemed to hold an interest in Sam. Of course no stranger would care that much about him. What was he thinking? That they could be friends? He didn't deserve friends or companionship.

“Yes that sounds lovely, what time should I be there?” He asked, slightly louder than the last time he spoke. Even if he couldn't make friends, that didn't mean he had to ruin his brothers chance at a relationship.

“Your going somewhere? I thought you would be riding with us. Lets all go together, yeah?” Gabriel, the ever so attentive big brother had a good idea of what was going on inside Castiel's head and refused to let him dwell on it any further. He was going with them, and that was final. Even if Gabriel had to drag him by the end of his too old too big trench coat. Where the hell did he get that thing anyways?

“I was planing on going to the music store to order more practice sheets for the class.” Castiel really was a terrible liar. He just wanted his brother to be happy without having to ruin it for him. Because he had to be looked after. To make sure he didn't hurt himself again.

“Hey Cas? Theres a thing that exists called online ordering. You use it all the time for your books, so you can use it for the music sheets.” Nice try Cas. But big brother isn't about to give in that easily. Gabriel thought to himself. (Really Gabriel was only a year older than Castiel) Gabriel knew Castiel would try to get out of it. He had a feeling as to what exactly was going on in his brothers head, but could only wish Castiel would talk to him. He knows its hard for Cas to talk about his feelings because he feels selfish and needy when he does. But cant he rely on his brother every once in a while? Was he not dependable enough? Or could Castiel really not trust anyone anymore? He had after all taken the worst betrayal. If that man hadn't shown up in Castiel's life, then none of this would have happened.

Castiel wouldn't have needed over a month in the hospitals intensive care. He wouldn't still need months of physical and mental therapy. He wouldn't have become anorexic. He wouldn't still be spending every night crying in his sleep or wake up screaming every morning. He wouldn't be so exhausted all the time. He wouldn't feel awful about himself. He wouldn't have taken so manny drugs. If only Gabriel had stepped in. If he knew then what he knows now, he would've killed that monster when he had the chance. He hated that his brother who he should have protected, who looked up to him, who once shared everything with him, who went through hell and back, now couldn't even tell him how he was feeling. It hurt. But he couldn't let it show. If he wasn't there for Cas then, he sure as hell was now. And he had to be strong, so Cas knew he really could rely on Gabriel. And that he was sorry he couldn't be there when Castiel needed him most. When Castiel didn't respond to Gabriel, he and Sam took that as a sign that it was settled. Cas was going with them and that was that.

“Ok, so Dean and I will come and pick you two up around 7:30 tonight and we’ll go to the shrimp restaurant. Sounds good?” Sam asked finishing his breakfast and beginning to clean up. Gabriel also stood up and began helping Sam.

“That sounds good, I’ll help you here then walk you out to your car. Cas? You look friggin exhausted, go lie down on the couch, I’ll be right there.

“Ok.” Castiel wasn't going to deny that he was still exhausted, but if Gabriel told him to lie down, why not go to his bed? He got up, gave Gabriel his plate (Gabriel didn't want him to do the dishes when he was tired) and went to his room to curl under his blankets. He really did feel tired…so tired…and in less than 30 seconds he was asleep, nose deep in blankets.

_He recognized this place too. The white walls, the bright lights above him, the cold feel of a needle pressed into his skin. They had stopped tying his arms down a while ago. He could barley lift his arms anymore so there wasn't much point to it. His eyes weren't focusing. But it didn't matter. He knew what was happening. His head was pounding. He was in so much pain. The footsteps came. And just like every time, he was crying and shaking. Just like every time, his pulse was taken. Just like every time they stuck another needle in his arm. But unlike every time, he was being called by his name. He was being talked to, though he couldn't quite make out the words. And the pain was steadily subsiding. He didn't want to ask what was happening. Simply an attempt at speech always made things worse. And suddenly, he was falling asleep again. Did they finally get bored of making him scream?_

He woke up again and nearly slammed head first into Gabriel. “Holly shit Cas!” his brother yelled “…Are you ok?” was the next thing he said when Castiel realized his face had been wet with tears.

“…sorry…” Castiel whispered and tried to wipe his face dry with his blanket, but no matter how hard he tried, the tears just kept coming back, and the choked sobs followed shortly after. Soon he was gaging and throwing up all over his bed. Gabriel wasted no time in jumping on the bed with his brother and pulling him off the dirty sheets and onto the floor.

“Its ok. I promise you can only get better. Its all over now. Im here and no one can touch you now.” Thats all Gabriel had to say. What else could he say? Castiel wouldn't talk to him to let him know whats wrong. It was hard enough for him to talk to his psychiatrist. They sat there for what felt like hours. And when Castiel finally did look up, all Gabriel could do was try to get him out of the house. “Lets go shopping, we got places to be tonight and we are in dire need of new clothes.” It wasn't a complete lie. Castiel only had his suits one pair of jeans, and some pajamas. He really did need some new clothes. And when he gave Gabriel a grateful smile, he helped Castiel out of bed and into the shower.

“Didn't Sam drive us home? Wheres your car?” Castiel asked once he had finished getting dressed.

“You wanted to be sleeping beauty this morning, and I wanted my car back, so I took a taxi over to the restaurant and got it.” Castiel put his shoes on and followed Gabriel out of the door. He felt a little better than the first time he woke up that morning. Maybe Gabriel was right, he might just need to get out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at two in the morning. I might edit this chapter. Let me know what other pairings you want to see!


	4. Remember, to let her into your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping with Castiel and Gabriel. Sam tells Dean that Cas is a girl.

Gabriel was waiting outside of the changing room for Cas. He had tried to sneak in some black dress shoes between layers of the casual clothes he found but Gabriel wouldn't allow it. Castiel stood in front of the mirror, in his boxers, trying to process how much had changed for him in these past few years. His body was still extremely thin, and the scars would probably never fade, but he was improving. He put the navy blue t-shirt on and matched it with black jeans and walked out to show Gabriel.

“Hey look at you! Finally out of that monkey suit! You look good.” Gabriel stood up and applauded his little brother. Castiel gave a shy smile, though the shirt and pants were slightly big, he figured he would grow into them. “How'd the light green shirt fit? Didn't like it?” Gabriel tried peeking around Cas to see if the green shirt was still up in the ‘try on’ pile.

Castiel was looking down at his new outfit “It was nice but too thin, you could see everything. I liked the darker one though. Also, I saw a jacket I liked by the belts but they didn't have my size, so maybe we could come bad another time?”

“You mean the blue one right? Wait here ill go ask a person from retail to check the back. They probably didn't have a chance to restock yet.” Gabriel walked off on his new mission and left Castiel to change back into his regular clothes. He folded the shirt and was barely able to pick up the pile of clothes he picked out (7 t-shirts and 8 jeans) and waited for his brother to come back with his jacket.

“So they didn't have the plain blue one but they had this one.” Gabriel returned shortly later holding up a baby blue jacket with small black angel wings on the back. “Might be nice yeah?” He looked pretty pleased with himself. Castiel handed the pile of clothes to Gabriel and took the jacket to try it on.

“It fits well, I like it almost as much as my trench coat.” he said looking at himself in the mirror. It brought out his eyes and took attention off of the dark circles under them. “What do you think?” He spun around to look at Gabriel.

Gabriel took a moment tilting his head to the side and nodded his approval with a big grin. “You look good Cas! Lets get out of here and find you some shoes? Or do yah think your ok with the fancy shoes you wear now?” Gabriel asked looking tired and ready to go home, but would willingly stick out another couple hours i his brother didn't deem himself publicly acceptable yet.

“No I think I'm ready to go, we have to meet Sam and Dean soon right? What time is it?” He asked looking at his watch. “Yeah we have to be there in two hours. We should get home, do you want to get anything for your date?” he said giving Gabriel a teasing look. “It is not a date, its just four people meeting up for some good shrimp and the best cake this city has to offer…on coincidence.” Gabriel closed his eyes and tilted his head upward avoiding his brothers stare.

“Sam is really tall by the way, how tall do you think his brother is? He's supposed to be older right?” Castiel asked taking off the jacket and pulling on his trench coat beginning the walk to the checkout counter. Gabriel looked at him with a confused and irritated expression.

“Yeah he is, where in the hell did you get that thing anyways? Ive been meaning to ask you but never really got around to it.” He pointed to the oversized trench coat on Castiel and flicked the collar.

“Um….thats a good question. I think it was given to me by a paramedic or something. It was cold after all.” he said looking just as confused as his brother. He continued looking down at the oversized and somewhat dirty material. He should wash it soon.

“Oh, ok cool.” Gabriel looked a little shocked. Paramedics don't normally give any article of fabric to someone they picked up. And Castiel doesn't normally talk about it without getting nervous or fidgety. He really was improving. Soon he would be completely off of his medication. Gabriel decided not to bring up more on it, because saying any more about it might trigger a panic attack or something. For now he would just take his brother home to put the clothes away and then get ready for his date ‘Um… not date…damn it!’ he has to keep reminding himself its not a date.

 

* * *

 

“So I have to come too?” Dean looked up from the couch at his brother who was sitting at the dinning room table. “I don't wanna chaperone your date, your not in middle school.” He said, remembering when there was a time his brother was shorter than him. Oh those were the days. “So whats she like then? I know you said something about longish light brown hair, and kinda short. But what else?” He asked turning back to the t.v and sipping on his beer.

Sam looked at his brother unsure of how to give him the news _again_ because apparently he wasn't listening the first time. “Uh, Dean? You need to drive that ’78 Lincoln Continental to drop it off. And uh, I don't know how to say it again but, its a he.” Sam said leaning back a bit in the kitchen chair as Dean whipped his head around to look at him in shock.

“Well I didn't know you played for both teams Sammy… I mean Im not against it or anything but…since when?” Dean stood up, beer still in hand, clothes still covered in oil from a days work, and took a seat next to his brother. He looked at him with a curious expression and took another drink of beer as Sam prepared to answer, a little shocked at Deans calm demeanor.

“Um, well…somewhere around when I got out of college and started law school I guess. I dunno, Jess happened and I just wasn't happy with any other girl I was with, so I started experimenting an-“

“Ok ok I don't need the whole story but whatever, I’ll drop off the car then come home ok? If you spend all night out again let me know this time.” Dean said and was getting up again to go back to the t.v but Sam spoke up again.

“You sure you don't wanna go? Theres a blue eyed beauty with short dark hair coming with us. Just you type too.” Sam knew he was being an ass by tricking his brother, but he was always nervous on first dates. The night before hardly counted as anything new to him and he prayed Castiel would forgive him.

“So he’s got a sister? Whats her name?” Dean stopped and sat back down now that Sam caught his attention. With newfound curiosity, he leaned in and prodded a little further. “Whats she like? Does she play any sports or have any hobbies? Whats she do for work?”

“Um, well her name is Castiel, she teaches piano at the local college, is really shy, and I don't know if she has any hobbies but she's pretty skinny so I guess she must do something right? So are you in or not?” Sam gave his brother his best puppy eyes and leaned in.

“Fine just keep those eyes away from me. Its not as effective after, how manny years have you done that?” Dean lied and got up to get showered and dressed. There was something his brother wasn't telling him about this Castiel chick and he knew it. He wasn't getting his hopes up for anything until he found out what it was. He let the hot water run down his body as he scrubbed himself down with a rough soap to get the oil off of his skin. Was Castiel the owner of that crappy car? He would have to teach her some things about cars if that was the case. He could take her for a ride in his Impala for a start. But she was supposed to be really shy, so would that even work? Whatever, he would figure it out as he went along.

Sam was happy that he wasn't going alone, and that Cas wouldn't feel like the third wheel on this date. It was totally a date right? Yeah it was, who has sex with someone then goes out to dinner with that same person the next night and not call it a date? He went up to the bathroom door and knocked “Dean! Im going to bring out the Lincoln for you, and wait by the car. Hurry up.” He heard the water turn off and Dean yell back at him.

“Ok, just don't hit baby!” He really hoped Dean wont call the Impala ‘baby’ on this date. It probably ruin his chance with Gabriel if he knew his older brother was calling a car ‘baby’. He should probably tell Dean that. Soon there were four brothers and three cars off to town one being a crappy car, and soon Dean would meet this Gabriel (who Sam wouldn't stop talking about because of how ‘cute his nose is’ or how 'small he is’) and this Castiel, who, for all Dean knew could be a friggin psychopath from the lack of information his brother was giving him. Oh well, he would soon find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is coming out better than expected, I'm always taking idea offers from those who want a specific ship in here because I can sail with nearly anything. UGGHHHH... destiel is taking forever to happen


	5. And you can start, to make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date

Castiel sat with Gabriel at the far end of the restaurant by a large window, where Castiel had sat and Gabriel had taken the seer at the end of the table. It was pretty empty for a saturday. They only ordered water since they were still waiting for Sam and…what was his brothers name again? Derek? Devin? Oh well, he would remember once he saw his face. He was really good with names once he had a face to go with it. Gabriel was talking about how one of his students didn't want to deal with cleaning out bed pans, but that was part of the job of being a nurse so he had little choice. Castiel didn't want to think about bed pans before he ate so he excused himself to the bathroom. It was time for him to take his medication anyways, and he didn't want to do it in front of Gabriel because he always had a pained look on his face whenever he took the pills around him. Castiel understood why though. Because of what it reminded him of.

It was a reminder of when he started taking them. He had just gotten out of the hospital and still needed them to cope with his anorexia. Then almost a year later, he had a panic attack, took too many pills and had to go back to the hospital for a month. Now Gabriel couldn't even make sure Castiel took his pills properly without having a look of regret on his face. As he opened the door to the bathroom, he wondered why he always had to make someone worry about him.

Gabriel sat at the table looking at the menu, already feeling faint. He had low blood sugar and needed something to hold himself off until Sam and Dean got there. He ordered a lemonade to keep himself from swaying and looked to the front door where a familiar tall man with long hair walked into the restaurant. And directly behind him was a tall, but not as tall, man with a leather jacket and short hair, looking at the pie that was on display at the counter. Gabriel stood up and waved at Sam, who saw him immediately, elbowed the shorter man and pointed in Gabriel's direction. They made their way over and Sam began the introductions.

“Hey! So Gabriel this is Dean, my older brother.” Sam stepped aside as Dean and Gabriel leaned over the table to shake hands.

“Nice to meet you. Sasquatch here wouldn't shut up about you since he got home.” Dean said jokingly. Sam elbowed him again, but this time a little harder, giving him a smile that said ‘for the love of god shut up’ but Dean ignored it, as he casually looked around the room.

“Heh thanks, hope I'm living up to the decryption. So Cas is in the bathroom and said we can go ahead and order. What do you guys want?” Gabriel asked giving Sam a simile as they all sat down, Dean next to Sam and Gabriel next to Castiel's seat. “Well you promised me good shrimp so…” Sam said looking through the pastas. “The shrimp fettucini?” He decided that sounded good and looked to Dean who was sitting with his menu opened at the burgers, but was starring onward the bathrooms.

“What are you looking for?” Gabriel asked looking in the same direction as Dean, who apparently wasn't listening. Sam taped Gabriel's arm and leaned over the table beginning to whisper.

“So, he didn't want to come and drop off the car, and the only way I could convince him to come with me was to tell him that Cas was your sister.” Gabriel nearly burst out laughing but covered his mouth and hid behind his menu. This seemed to catch Deans attention.

“Whats so funny?” Dean asked looking between his brother and Gabriel. Sam started chuckling too. Now Dean looked really confused. And decided to look at his menu so he wouldn't have to look at Sam and his date. He couldn't wait to meet this Castiel. For some reason, the more he thought about it, the more excited he got.

“Hey Cas, this is Dean, Sam’s brother. Sit down were ready to order. Right Dean?” Gabriel said as a man somewhat shorter than Dean sat down in front of him.

“Hello Dean” the man said in a gravely tone and offering his hand for Dean to shake. Dean knew his brother lied about something, and now he knew what, but he could just roll with it and act unfazed. Sam didn't know dean was bi because Dean didn't know himself either, but he could play this off none the less. He took the mans hand and looked up, and suddenly everything was in slow motion for him. He began mentally checking off everything Sam hadn't lied about.

What Sam didn't lie about was how skinny Castiel was. He didn't lie about how dark his hair was. And he certainly didn't lie about the blue eyes. In fact, he hadn't said nearly enough about those eyes. Dear god were they blue. They were almost like the ocean, and Dean felt like he could be lost at sea forever if he didn't stop staring at them. Were they even the ocean? Perhaps they were the sky? He didn't know what was up or what was down when he looked at them and he couldn't get enough. But he needed to look away, because it would be awkward if he stared too long. Damn it.

“Nice to meet you Castiel, Sammy said some nice things about you too. Though he left out a few details.” Dean said with his most charming smile as time sped up again. He kicked a snickering Sam from under the table. Gabriel was giggling too and trying to hide behind his menu again.

“I don't understand, whats so funny?” Castiel asked, a little confused looking at Sam and Gabriel. “Did Sam say a joke?”

“Hey Castiel, why don't we order while these two finish their laugh fest?” Dean suggested, ignoring Sam and Gabriel and raising his arm for a waitress to some and take their orders. Castiel nods his head in agreement and was both surprised and relieved that Dean hadn't noticed when Castiel was staring at his green eyes. He wanted to stare longer but Dean had looked down at his menu and Castiel was forced to look away before things got awkward. Or before Dean got mad. He looked like the type of man that got angry easily despite his kind smile and bright eyes.

To Castiel, those green eyes looked like an endless field of grass. He felt something looking into them and it was something he hadn't felt in a long, long time. A feeling that he had almost completely forgotten. When he looked into those green eyes full of life, he felt free. He felt safe. And if he could, he would stare into them forever.

Gabriel stopped laughing because he was really starting to feel faint, and they had all ordered. Sam had ordered the shrimp pasta, Gabriel had the shrimp stir fry, Dean took the meat lovers burger, and Castiel took the shepards pie. “Man I love me a good pie.” Dean said as he looked back at the pie on display. “Maybe i’ll get one to go?” He looked at Sam who nodded his agreement. Dean then looked at Castiel, who was already staring back. “I could get you one if you want?” He asked with a wink.

“OK! So Sam Tells me your a mechanic? Whats that like?” Gabriel almost shouts when he sees the wink Dean gave his little brother. “Have you been working as a mechanic long?” Dean looks at Castiel (who's face is totally not bright red right now) then back at Gabriel.

“Ive been working at my uncles shop since I got out of high school. Ive always loved cars and I really like to fix them up, so I figured this was a really good job for me. 13 years and I haven't found a car I couldn't fix.” Dean said proudly.

“So, wait 13 years. Your what…31 now? That makes you the oldest person here. Haha!” Gabriel stated trying to make a little joke.

“So you and Sam are the same age? How old are you then? ” He asked turning from Castiel to Gabriel.

“Im 28. But I'm not the oldest sibling in our family, we have quite a few. The oldest are Lucifer and Michael. I didn't come into the picture until years later. The youngest is Alfie. He's only 16.” Gabriel said looking fondly into space as he thought about his family. Yeah, when he thought about it, it was a really big family, but he was proud of it. He was almost done with his meal, as was everyone else.

“Oh, so your parents really went at it huh? They must be proud of you guys, one being a music teacher and the other is teaching nursing.” Sam said as he tried to get a better picture of Gabriel. He was really starting to find him interesting.

“Actually were not all related. Mom couldn't have any kids of her own so they adopted. Like a lot. First was Lucifer, then three years later Michael, then fifteen years later me. Mom died a few years after that, but Dad wanted more kids, so then came Hanna, Bartholomew, Hael, Inias, Balthazar, Joshua, Zacharia, Uriel, Castiel and Jimmy, then finally Samandriel but we call him Alfie. So yeah, fourteen of us in total.”

“Oh sorry about your mom. Must have a lot of parties though huh?” Dean asked trying to lighten the mood “Why'd you say Castiel ‘and’ jimmy though? Like did they come together?” Dean asked around a mouth full of burger.

“Oh, Jimmy’s my twin. Dad couldn’t take one and not the other so he got us both.” Castiel said. It felt odd for him to know that he was so nervous around Sam but not this new stranger sitting before him. Was it the eyes? Again, he was drawn back to them. He couldn't look away.

Dean felt dizzy knowing there were two sets of those astonishingly blue eyes. “You have a twin? Thats so cool! Bet you could mess with a lot of people because of that huh?” Dean questioned just as the waiter came with their bill. “Here i’ll pay for it. I kinda just walked in on your date anyways.” Dean knew if he put it like that, Sam would feel kinda guilty about dragging him along.

“See? Told you its a date.” Castiel said, just as Sam said he would cover it. Then Gabriel had to stop the struggle for the check.

“Guys guys! Lets all just split it ok? Here, I’ll toss in $20.” Gabriel chose to ignore that last comment from his brother. They all agreed to this and within 15 minutes were out the door. But Gabriel and Sam decided they weren't done with their date and continued walking shoulder to…arm. Gabriel really was shorter than Sam. By a lot. “Don't get any funny ideas!” Gabriel shouted behind his back at Dean who ended up walking next to Castiel ten feet behind their brothers. Deans face certainly didn't look embarrassed at all. Giving one last look at his brother, he turned his head around and walked with Sam talking about whatever they felt like.

“So… you teach piano? I only ever learned guitar. I heard its only for ambidextrous people.” Dean said trying to make small talk with Castiel. He didn't want Cas to feel awkward or anything, so he stayed a good step away from him.

“Not exactly, I think anyone can play piano, you just have to put you mind to it.” Castiel said, taking an interest at the sidewalk. He was starting to feel very nervous without his brother there. Why now of all the times? And why did they stop talking? Was Dean tired of him already? He really couldn't do anything right. He couldn't even talk to one guy. Dean noticed his discomfort and offered something before he could really register what he was saying.

“Could you teach me?” Yeah. Actually that could work. But Sam really wasn't lying when he said this guy was shy.

“Oh, really? Um…yeah ok. When are you free?” Castiel asked sounding nervous. Dean and Castiel continued to work out a schedule and what songs should be practiced until they somehow ended up back to the cars.

“Ok well we've got an appointment tomorrow so we should be goin. See you later Samsquatch.” Gabriel said with a snicker and got into his car and Sam waved goodbye to both of the brothers.

“By Dean. Um, I guess I’ll see you next week then?” Castiel asked as he was getting into his car.

“Yeah you will. I think Sammy would really appreciate that too.” He said aiming a finger at Sam, who was making googly eyes at Gabriel. Both let out small laughs. Dean decided he likes Castiels laugh.

“Thank you for fixing my car. I paid for the oil change when I first brought it in so I hope thats ok?” Castiel soured nervous again.

“Yeah thats totally fine! See yah later Cas!” Dean yelled as he got in the Impala yelling for Sam to get in. Castiel couldn't help but laugh and they all headed off into their won directions. Sam and Dean to their house, and Castiel and Gabriel, to theirs. The whole drive back, Castiel couldn't help but think of what a good day it had been. But he also felt a bit anxious about the next time he would see Dean. Would he be a good enough teacher? Would Dean still want to see him even if he wasn’t? He had no way of knowing.

When the Novak brothers got back Gabriel sat Castiel on the couch and began to speak. “So how'd it go?” He asked giving a knowing and somewhat excited look to his brother. Castiel couldn't help but keep going back to the eyes, how they seemed to practically glow with happiness.

“...He has pretty eyes.” He said after a moment. Gabriel threw his head back and laughed at the innocent answer his brother gave.

* * *

 

“So Castiel’s a guy? What the hell Sam?!” Dean yelled at his brother jokingly when Sam smiled and came back with two beers from the kitchen.

“Well you didn't seem to have an issue with that after you saw his eyes. You really had an issue with staring for a second there.” Sam's retort caught Dean off guard and left him speechless. Face slightly pink, he took a long drink of beer and walked into the hallway.

“At least my zipper wasn't down the whole time!” Dean yelled from the hallway, knowing Sam had, yet again, lost a round. He could hear the ‘What the hell Dean?!’ even after his door was closed. 

"Shut up yah idjits! Im too old to listen to you two bickering in the middle of the night!" Bobby yelled from his room upstairs. Dean chuckled and yelled a short apology in unison with Sam.

Unfortunately for everyone, no one saw the man across the street from the restaurant. He stood there in the shadows and watched. He followed them around the block and watched. But he wouldn't communicate with them. No, not yet. It was simply too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so...its picking up a little more yeah? Sorry its longer than usual, but i hope its worth it!


	6. Hey jude, don't be afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little background on Castiel and Jimmy.

_Castiel was in trouble again. Being light enough to be thrown against a wall was just one of manny punishments he would face down here. “What have I told you about getting sick in front of the customers?” The man he had been servicing that night (or was it day?) enjoyed it rough. The ‘customer’ had Castiel’s throat in such a tight hold that he couldn't breath. Add in the harsh thrusts and the continuous banging of his head on the cement floor, and the rare meal he had not two hours ago and you have one very nauseous slave. “Don't. Ever. Get sick. In front of. The customer.” Every word was emphasized with a relentless kick to the stomach. And finally one to the head, before he was strung up by his collar and drugged again by a needle to the arm. “You have another in two minutes. And he has been scheduled for the rest of the day. Don't disappoint him or i’ll sell off another organ.” he said as he dropped him to the floor. Castiel would have begged if his throat wasn't raw. This man he had trusted, who he believed he could change for so long, had taken everything from him and was now feeding him to the wolves. The door opened as the drug kicked in and suddenly the room was spinning. He missed home, he missed Gabriel, he missed his family. He would give anything to go back…_

Castiel woke up shaking and in a firm grip. His face was covered in fresh tears and he felt nauseous. He was in Gabriel's bed and Gabriel was holding him close to his chest. He felt bad that once again, he had his brother worrying, but he was shaking so badly he couldn't move away. So he buried his face deeper into Gabriel's chest and tried to gain some control over the endless amount of tears. He couldn't stay in that position for as long as he wished though, soon enough he was on his feet and being led to the bathroom with one hand over his mouth and the sound of muffled gags. As he’s leaning over the toilet, he has to remind himself why he was in Gabriel's room to begin with. ‘Oh right, my bed sheets were still washing, and I didn't want to be alone either…’ he thought to himself. His brothers words were starting to come into focus as the vomiting subsided.

“You wanna watch t.v for a little bit? Just until you feel like you can sleep again?” Looking out the bathroom window, he could see it was still very dark outside. The stars were bright in the sky and there was no sign of the sun coming up any time soon. He had an appointment with his therapist at ten that day, so he needed all the sleep he could get.

“Yeah, ok…” Castiel said giving himself a minute to catch his breath before Gabriel helped him up and into the living room. Gabriel sat his slightly shaky brother down on the couch and flicked on the t.v, went back to the bedroom and came back with a blanket, threw it on top of Castiel and made his way to the kitchen.

He poured two cups of milk into a small pot then aded one cup of chocolate chips, threw in a peppermint whisked it together until it was all melted and hot, he was careful not to burn it. He poured it into two mugs and headed back into the living room, giving one cup to Castiel and tucked himself under the blanket on the opposite end of the sofa. “So watcha watchin?” Gabriel asked sipping on his hot chocolate and looking at the t.v. Some girl in a blue dress was spinning in a room in the middle of a crowd with some fancy looking guy.

“Cinderella.” Castiel said still focusing on the movie before him. He took a long drink of his hot chocolate and relaxed further into the couch. Gabriel always knew how to make him feel better. Just like when they were kids and Castiel had a nightmare, Gabriel would pull him into the living room, make him comfortable, fix him some hot chocolate and always was able to put him back to sleep, which he was starting to do already. When Castiel and Jimmy were first brought to the Novak house, Jimmy fit in right away, he was never phased by much and always kept his composure even in the worst situations. Castiel wasn't the best at being calm.

_When his biological mother left, he and jimmy were only eight and left stranded in an old warehouse with a small bag full of papers during the middle of winter keeping close to keep the cold off of them. It was snowing outside and Castiel didn't know what to do. He cried because he thought they would freeze to death, especially when jimmy collapsed on the floor and wasn't waking up._

_He cried through what felt like the rest of the night when a man and a younger boy walked in through a side door and rushed to their side immediately. The man wrapped Jimmy up in his wool jacket and told the younger boy to use the pay phone outside to call for an ambulance. “Listen, its going to be ok. See? He’s still breathing. Its going to be ok. Don't be afraid.” The man said holding Jimmy close to him trying to calm Castiel down. The boy came running back in a minute later and told the man that the ambulance was on its way. “Ok Gabriel, Im going to take him to my car and turn on the heater. Take the other one with you. When the ambulance comes, tell them where we are.” The older man said standing up and bolting out the door. Castiel had looked up at the other boy, tears still staining his face. He remembered Gabriel had hair up to his chin, and bright golden eyes. He bent down and offered him his hand._

_“Its gonna be ok, I promise. Dads gonna take good care of you and your brother.” He said with a smile. Castiel felt safe after that. On the way to the car Gabriel had explained that he and his father were looking at the land to build a new chapel. The family business he had called it. He and his brothers were going to help his father one day but he was supposed to finish school first. “What school do you guys go to?” He asked._

_“Um…we travel too much to go to school. So mom just taught us from things at the libraries we went to.” Castiel had never officially gone to school, they weren't poor, because mom was always buying the things in the brown paper bags and they always had food. But they never stayed in one place, nor did they ever have an official ‘home’._

_“Wheres your mom now then?” Gabriel had asked stoping a foot outside the car. He gave Castiel a curious and concerned look, as if he might fear the answer._

_“I don't know. We woke up in the ally we were staying in and she was gone. She does that sometimes though, so we waited for her. And we waited for a long time but she wasn't coming back so we walked for a long time and now were here. But it got cold so we stayed in there… and then J-Jimmy f-f-ell down and, now he's n-not wa-a-king up…” Castiel tried to explain between the broken sobs. Gabriel hugged him for a few minutes saying words of comfort and soon after, pointed out to the distance where red lights flashed._

_"See? I told you he’s gonna be ok. That was really fast wasn't it?” Castiel ran out to the street and waved down the ambulance, still crying. Later in the hospital, Gabriel and Chuck (he was later told the mans name) had waited outside of the emergency room while Castiel stayed next to Jimmy (who was totally unfazed by the experience) and talked to him for the rest of the night. He refused sleep that night so he could keep an eye on his brother. In the hallway, Gabriel told Chuck of Castiel and Jimmy’s story. Chuck walked in the room to talk to Castiel and Jimmy immediately after._

_“Hey guys. So, look. Um, Gabriel out there told me about how you two got to where you were and, well I don't think I could live with myself knowing you two would have to live in an orphanage after all of this. So, how about we make a deal. Let me go to fill out some papers down at the law office, and you can stay at my house with me and my kids yeah?”_ Well…we know the answer that was given don't we?

* * *

 

When Castiel next awoke, he was watching the news and Gabriel was shaking him awake. “Were gonna be late to you appointment. You know how Charlie gets when your late. Take your medication and we’ll get food on the way there” He said walking away to grab Castiel's pills and a glass of water.

Castiel got up, stretching his legs and arms from the position he was in all night. For once he felt totally rested. Gabriel came back with the medication and a change of clothes. Soon they were on the road and headed toward the office of Dr. Charlie Bradbury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a few days off and wanted a small story on how Castiel and Jimmy got into the Novak family and this happened. Hope you enjoyed! I can complete some more chapters over the next few days and hopefully I can fit in some more ships with them.


	7. You were made to, go out and get her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to therapy, Bobby wants grandchildren. Enter Jody and Benny.

Castiel was standing in the elevator going up to the 14th floor. Gabriel had gone to pick up more materials for his class. Charlie was waiting for him and he was five minutes late. He wasn't nervous around her though because she was so nice and friendly. If he wasn't up for talking on certain days, they would play games or watch t.v dramas. Right now, they were on ‘Game of Thrones’ and though Castiel wanted to watch the next episode with her, he knew she couldn't do this all the time or she would get in trouble by her manager. The elevator came to a stop and he and the man next to him both got off, the other man to the left, and Castiel to the right. He wondered if Charlie would like his new jacket?

He knocked on the door of the corner office. “Hi Charlie, nice to see you.” he said as he opened the door. She had her red hair up in a bun with her bangs neatly framing her face. She wore a white button up and black leggings with combat boots. Looking like a neat badass per usual.

“Cas! Nice to see you too.” she got off of her windowsill and walked over to give him a big hug. “So Comic-Con is coming next month and I'm working out to look like Poison Ivy. Is it working?” She asked posing to show off her muscles.

“Hahaha! Yes its working quite well! I think you'll make the perfect Ivy.” Castiel liked Charlie because, as his therapist, she was supposed to make him feel welcome and secure in this room. Give him a place where all his thoughts and emotions could run free so he wouldn't feel troubled anymore. Thats exactly what she did.

“Ok, well since your five minutes late, lets get to it shall we? Nice jacket by the way.” she sat down in a bright orange beanbag chair and motioned for Castiel to do the same. He sat across from her with a small coffee table in the middle. Sometimes she liked to serve snacks and drinks. Today was one of those days and she had some honey buns out on a tray with a pitcher of iced tea to go with them.

“So has anything happened since we last spoke? Gabriel called and told me you're still having the dreams, but last night you slept pretty well.” Charlie had asked Castiel in the beginning if there was anyone in his family she could report to on his progress, this way they would give him the proper amount of attention if need be. He said Gabriel was the only one that he really wanted updated. So Gabriel informs her of Castiel's progress at home, and Charlie lets him feel comfortable talking about it. 

“Uh, I guess so? I woke up last night from a nightmare and when I slept again, I had a different dream. It still made me sad but not nearly as terrified.” he spoke softly looking at the edge of the coffee table. “I dreamt of the day I met Gabriel and Chuck.”

“And how was that sad or scary in a way?” Charlie asked taking a glass and filling it up, then handing it to Castiel. He took it graciously.

“Well…it was the middle of winter, and it was freezing outside. The sky was really dark from the clouds and it looked almost like it was night. Me and my brother were walking and decided to take cover for the time being, but, we weren't really dressed for the cold. He collapsed and I was crying. Thats when Gabriel and Chuck came in and called an ambulance.” he took a moment to drink from the iced tea.

“Why were you and your brother walking? Where to?” Charlie asked, taking the moment of silence as a chance to ask a question.

“Well…we were trying to find our mom. She would leave us alone sometimes to do whatever it was she did, but this time she hadn't come back. We went from city to city looking for her and one day we just ended up here in Kansas. Up until then we would sleep in haystacks on farm trains because the hay was always warm. All she left us was a bag with about $30 and our birth certificates in it. I guess she wasn't planing on coming back.” Castiel said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Charlie could tell it was time to move on. “Gabriel also tells me you met a man with pretty eyes. What was he like?” Castiel looked up and began animatedly explaining what this man was like. Right down to his leather jacket.

* * *

 

Dean was working on another car that morning. It needed the breaks replaced. “Sam tells me he met a fella. Does he look like he treats Sam alright?” Bobby asked from the other side of the garage.

“…Yeah… he’s pretty alright. Likes to make jokes.” Dean said, sounding like a distracted drone. Like he was listening but not really focusing. Bobby noticed Deans hesitation when he spoke and found it odd. He knew Dean never got distracted if he spoke as he worked on a car, he was pretty good at multitasking. He walked up behind dean and leaned on the workbench to look Dean over.

“Sam also says you like to look at that blue eyed brother he’s got. Says you couldn't stop starin’ for a while. Why don't you tell me what he’s like?” Bobby never cared about sexuality, no one he knew did except for his father and he was a real jackass. But when Sam came out to him, it was a little shocking. He was expecting Dean to be bisexual because he never stuck with any girl in particular and would often find him staring curiously at bare chested male model posters whenever they went to get him some new clothes. Was he just bi-curious? If what Sam was saying was true, he would listen to Deans reasoning, and support his two favorite boys no matter what.

Dean looked up at him with excited eyes and began describing the fragile man he had encountered the previous night. “Ok, so Sam told me that his new boyfriend had a sister named Castiel, but when I got there Castiel turned out to be a dude. He had dark and kinda messy hair, he also had a kinda deep voice and he was really skinny, like he needs to eat more. Like a lot more. But Bobby, he had the bluest eyes! I cant even describe them because they were dark and light at the same time! You would have to see them for yourself. I don't know what happened, I just couldn't stop staring. He’s real shy to so I had a hard time trying to get the right words out to him. Im seeing him later this week though because he’s giving me piano lessons.”

Dean sounded proud and excited all at the same time, and the more he spoke about this Castiel, the bigger his grin got. He looked like a five year old on christmas who just got to meet Santa himself just talking about the lesson he would get later that week. “So you two are datin' now or somethin’? And since when do you like piano?” Bobby pointed out with a exasperated laugh. Dean liked rock n roll with long guitar solo’s, not Bach on an ancient keyboard.

The look he got from Dean was priceless. His eyes went wide and his mouth clamped shut, you could actually hear his teeth hit together as it closed. It actually sounded kinda painful. “Uh, well… I uh, *ahem* I don't think that…I mean… would you really call it a date? I mean c’mon what even is a date in this day and age?” Dean got up and quick stepped to the other side of the garage avoiding Bobby's stare and his hand went up to massage his jaw.

“Listen boy.” Bobby began sternly, walking up behind Dean and making him turn around. “I don't give a flying fuck who you date, or what you're into. We don't judge in this family and you should damn well know that by now. Look at your brother. He’s finally happy and seeing someone after what happened with that Jess girl. I thought he would be walking around like a sick puppy for the rest of his life until this Gabriel fella came in and nocked him back into reality.” Bobby motioned towards the house where Sam was studying for his first exam. “I don't wanna see you end up like me, old and alone. If you like this here Castiel, don't second guess it, don't back down. Just go out there and get him. And for the love of god, get me some grand children!”

Bobby lightly smacked Dean on the arm and Dean gave a light chuckle and wiped his eyes, because he had allergies not because he was crying. He knew Bobby was accepting but damn. Why did he feel like he had to hide it from Bobby of all people? The man who was practically a father to him and his brother. Was it because John was never accepting of it? Was it because whenever they drove by a park saw two men so much as holding hands, john would point and say “Thats disgusting. Its not natural. Someone should do something to those two freaks.”? He wanted so badly to be accepted by his father that he had suppressed a desire he had since a very young age. A desire for simple companionship with someone who he was expected to take care of, but also expected to take care of him in return. A relationship built on equality was all he wanted.

Sam had come out of the back door at that moment. “Hey the cops are here!” he said and thats when Dean remembered that he had a little payback to give. But her would get to that later. Revenge would be sweet. He and Bobby went back inside the house. A tall man and a smaller woman wearing police uniforms were standing in the living room.

“Bobby! Dean! Its been too long, you never come visit me anymore! If this keeps up, i’ll have to write you a ticket for those fire works you keep in the basement.” The woman said rushing to pull Bobby and dean into a hug.

“Hey Jody! Hey Benny! Sorry but we’ve been getting a lot more customers recently and its getting harder to get out of the house.” Dean said. Bobby was nearly nocked off his feet when Jody pulled him down to her level. Benny laughed and went up to Dean lifted him with little effort and swung him around in a bone crushing bear hug. “Long time no see Benny!”

“Same to you brother! I was starting to think we would have to set out a search party for you, you'd been quiet so long!” Benny said putting Dean back down on the floor. Benny was Dean’s best friend ever since they got arrested and met in jail when they were 16. Benny was trying to stop a robbery at a bank and got mistaken for the robber instead. The guy was eventually caught and Benny was released. Dean was speeding down the road in the Impala and only stopped when the tires were shot. When asked, he said his brother was in the hospital because someone had forced him to swallow plastic. Benny and Dean found the kid and…well Sam never had a bullying issue since. Or any issue for that matter.

Something was different about benny today but Dean couldn't quite put his finger on it…Oh! “Hey Benny?” he said realizing what was missing.  


“Yeah, whats up?” He said looking down at Dean. Maybe he was really a bear and Dean hadn't noticed until now.

“What happened to that old trench coat you used to wear? The old beige one?” Benny gave him a funny look then realization and shock took over his face and suddenly he had to tell them about his first big break as a cop. He made everyone sit down except Jody, she knew the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought Charlie was a good fit for a therapist. Benny really is a bear though he's friggin huge. Crowley will be mentioned in the next chapter. And I can't wait to see what Dean does for a prank! Let me know what ships you want!


	8. The minute you let her under your skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story telling time! Castiel needs encouragement.

It had been so long since Benny and Dean last spoke that he hadn't told him about his first case as a cop. When everyone sat down and had a beer Benny told his story. “Back when I first started ‘bout two years ago, I was paired up with this investigator named Crowley. He went checkin’ out this old house that was built like a speakeasy. There was a theory that it was getin' used for a cocaine factory so he went in to check it out. He went under cover and everything and finds out that its bein’ used for human traffickin’ and organ marketin’.”

Benny took a moment to take a swing of beer. Jody stood in the corner of the room staining at the floor. “Brother you would not believe what we saw when we broke in there. There were people being starved, tortured, raped, drugged and branded. Found a couple gettin’ their organs torn out while they were still awake. They had three floors under ground and over a hundred people being tied up by collars. Took half the ambulances the hospital had to clear everyone out and we almost missed one man. In a room far in the back of the second floor there was this one guy, down to almost nothin’ he was so skinny. When the first man down there found him he thought this guy was dead. Went down to do a double check and the guy was still breathin’ so I hauled him out. He weighed practically nothin and he was in the coldest room of the damn place. It didn’ look like the blanket the medics gave him was enough so I threw my trench coat on him. I think its still with him.”

Jody got out of the corner “Almost half the people that were found didn't make it. Most relocated because they didn't want to be in Kansas anymore. Crowley was hired by this rich family to find their son who went missing for three and a half years. It was believed his boyfriend’s father was running the house, and his boyfriend dragged him into it. And we found the body of the father running the show. It looked like he shot himself so he wouldn't have to face the charges.” Sam spoke up.

“Yeah I heard about that. It was all over the news, and it was said that a few guys who ran the thing were never caught. It was presumed that they ran off to Mexico or something.” He sounded excited that he knew someone that was on this case. Dean and Bobby seemed to recollect every channel covering this story for weeks. It was titled ‘Hell House’ and was the biggest thing to hit Kansas since the 1912 snowstorm. But they hadn't known about any of the people that were found in it. Or any of the backstories connecting to the leaders of the house.

“Well damn you two, I think I would've quit on the spot. Theres no way I could have handled seeing any of that first hand without throwing up my lunch!” Dean said and Bobby added a nod.

“Brother I was this close to givin’ my two weeks notice. But I felt good when the poor guy was sent home so I kept the job. I thought that if I could see more of that, then the job wasn't half bad.” Benny said with a smile. “I wonder what the little guy is up to now though?” he asked to no one specifically.

“Probably still in therapy. Three and a half years in a place like that would probably take a lifetime of therapy to get over. I don't think anyone would fully recover.” Bobby said and everyone in the room nodes and mumbled their agreements. A moment of silence passes before Benny speaks trying to get back to catching up with his old friend.

“Oh, so Sam tells me that you've got a boyfriend now Dean. Didn't know you felt that way about fellas. I could've set you up a long time ago.” Jody gives a little giggle as Bobby and Sam try to hold in their laughter. Deans face did not go blood red. He did not yell at Sam with a squeak in his voice, but he did chase him around the whole house and out the front door with everybody pointing and laughing at them. And he was definitely planning the revenge of a lifetime on his unsuspecting little brother.

* * *

 

Castiel was waiting in the hallway when Gabriel came to pick him up. Charlie was in the room and informing Gabriel of his progress so far. “You should encourage him to interact more with this Dean guy. He needs to learn how to interact again and this is a good opportunity for him.”

Gabriel was standing against the door with his arms crossed looking at the floor “Yeah I know, but I just don't want Castiel to have another panic attack. What if this guy does something he doesn't like? What if he hurts Castiel somehow and Castiel has to live with that for the rest of his life? That every guy he’s gone out with just breaks him and leaves him?”

“Listen to me. Im not saying to have him marry the guy. Im saying he needs to learn how to trust people again. If Castiel wants to be happy with Dean, then you need to encourage that. Nothing Dean could do to him would ever compare to what that monster did. And your going out with his brother so you would be there half the time to keep a close eye on the two.” Charlie said. She knows its going to be hard for Gabriel to let his brother trust a complete stranger but he has to understand that the toll his ordeal took on him was leaving him broken and alone. If he didn't learn how to socially interact again, he had no chance of a full recovery.

“…Fine. I’ll talk to Cas. But if he’s not ready, then its not happening.” Gabriel said stubbornly. Charlie gave a thankful smile and followed him out the door to say goodbye to Castiel.

“I’ll see you later. Take care of yourself ok?” She said taking his hands before giving him a hug. He may have been another client, but he was also a good friend to her. She would do anything to see him happy again. Turning around, she went back to her office and go it ready for her next client.

“Ok, I’ll call if something comes up? Good luck with your training.” He said as she let go and they made their way down the hall and into the elevator. “I like visiting Charlie. Today we had Honey Buns and iced tea.” He said to Gabriel excitedly. Gabriel looked at his brother and laughed. Only Castiel would get excited over something as simple as Honey Buns.

* * *

 

It was late in the evening and the building was closing. Nearly everyone had gone home for the day. The man went in through the front door. He walked past the stairs where a beautiful red haired woman came out fixing her bag before leaving through the back door to the parking lot. Her head was turned down and she hadn't noticed him, so he kept walking.

He went in the elevator tapping his foot and humming to an unfamiliar beat as he waited for his floor to come up. He heard the *ping* of the elevator and stepped out onto the fourteenth floor. He turned right and made his way down to the corner office. A janitor had just left the room leaving it empty with the door slowly closing behind him. The man caught the door and walked in still humming and sat down at the desk. Turning on the computer and easily hacking it, he opened all files and began looking through records. He took his time finding what he wanted, but when every search came up empty after a time, he became infuriated. Stabbing a hole in the screen with the rusty bear knife he had carried in case someone got in his way, he walked out of the room and then out of the building. He would find who he wanted one way or another. He began humming again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUN! o.o


	9. Then you begin to make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is getting some piano lessons and then makes Castiel feel important.

“So your spending more time with Dean? What are you gonna do again? Teach him how to play?” Gabriel asked a few days later. He was sitting backwards on a chair, and still hadn't talked to Castiel about human interaction yet, but was surprised to learn that on Wednesday Dean would be coming over for a piano lesson, which meant Castiel would have to ask dad for the piano from the family home. The college wouldn't allow him to stay in the music room any longer than his class time required so he couldn't take Dean there, and it shouldn't be a problem since Castiel was the only one in their family besides Lucifer that could play. And since Lucifer was normally too busy with whatever he was running, it shouldn't be hard to get it. They would call their father later to ask to get it dropped off.

“Yes. I was surprised when he said he wanted to learn, I took him for someone who only likes classic rock. Im not sure of what to teach him first though. What do you think, ‘Heart and Soul’ or ‘Come all ye faithful’ or another one? I have plenty of sheets to choose from.” Castiel was so excited he was practically jumping. Gabriel could still see a bit of nervousness on his face, but if he was happy, who was he to be the one to burst his bubble?

“If he likes classic rock, why don't you go with ‘Hey jude’? Its a classic by The Beatles.” Castiel's face lit up and he nearly fell down trying to get to his boxes of music sheets scattered on the floor.

“I hope I have it. Your right, if Dean likes classic rock he would love anything by The Beatles.” Castiel looked so cute looking through all his boxes for the right sheet of music for dean to practice on. It reminded Gabriel of when they were kids and he would try to find his favorite army toy so he could play soldiers with Gabriel.

“Yeah, if you don't have it we could print out a couple copies here or go to the store and get a book or something.” Gabriel suggested. “Hey, If you skipped two grades then why do I always do the thinking for you?” Gabriel had a point. Back in middle school, for a year they had gone to the same classes. Then Castiel had skipped another grade and gone right to high school.

“Im sorry.” Castiel gave a very sincere apology and it almost made Gabriel take back his comment. Almost. He suddenly pulled out a piece of old paper and laughed with triumph. “I found it!” He declared and showed Gabriel as he went to put the other seven boxes back in his closet. 

The phone rang a minute later and Gabriel got up with a sigh. He went into the kitchen and picked it up noticing the caller ID. “Hey Charlie. Whats up?” he asked as he leaned one shoulder against a wall. “HUH?! Really?” He sounded shocked “Ok. Yeah…ok i’ll tell him. You be safe ok?” He hung up and turned to the hallway and down to Castiel's room. He was kneeling on the floor in front of his closet. “Hey so Charlie just called.”

“That was Charlie? What did she want?” he asked, his blue eyes going slightly wide and making him look like a puppy. 

“Someone broke into her office and broke her computer. They think it was the janitor or something. So your next appointments been canceled until she gets a new one.”

“Oh…ok…” He sounded very disappointed and Gabriel wanted so badly to hold him and tell him it would be ok, that he could always talk to him. But he held back. He was told not to comfort Castiel during small moments like this, only when he was reduced to tears. He had to learn to build himself up again. As much as it pained Gabriel he could only use his words.

“Hey, look, why don't we go on another date with the Winchesters next sunday? We've been so cooped up in this house it felt pretty good to get out for once right? A little change in routine never hurt anyone.” he offered and Castiel looked up with a small smile.

“Can we go to the hamburger stand on main street?” he asked. Gabriel nodes and Castiel got out his phone and tarted texting.

“Who are you talking to?” Gabriel asked looking over Castiel's shoulder at the screen.

“Dean…he said that sounds great!” Castiel said with an excited smile. Gabriel smiled too. Sam would be happy to be hanging around them, though he would be questioning his insistence on staying so close to his brother. Oh god he hadn't even thought about telling him about Castiel's accident. Should he tell him as soon as possible? No, that seemed far to intimate since they had only been seeing him for a week now. What about Dean? What would happen if Dean wanted to do something with Castiel and he didn't want to go through with it? How would Castiel explain himself to him? These thoughts ran through his head as he made his way back to the kitchen so he could text the only person he knew that would give just as good advice as Charlie.

‘Hey Balthazar, can I ask for your opinion on something?’ He began texting when he heard his brothers voice. Apparently he was on the phone and asking dad about the piano.

* * *

 

“Hello Dean.” Castiel said this every time he and Dean met. He always sounded so formal with Dean. Always saying ‘Hello Dean’ when they met and ‘Goodbye Dean’ when they parted. On the sixth week of their lessons Dean was sitting on the piano bench, in his best red flannel shirt and boots. He found he always wanted to look his best for Castiel. Gabriel and Sam were out on a walk and Castiel was standing to the side pulling out some papers for him to practice with. “So…um for today i’ll be teaching you by guiding you through a song you might know…” So far they had covered all basic notes and keys. Right down to how the piano works.

“And what song might that be? Im not really familiar with the classical Beethoven or any of that.” He said looking at Castiel and patting the empty spot ned to him, indicating he wanted some company on the bench.

“Well, I figured ‘Hey Jude’ might be a good start. Gabriel told me that you like classic rock and that this was one of the songs written by The Beatles.” he responded in a small voice as he sat down. Dean looked up at him with wonder in his eyes. 

“I love that song! My mom used to sing that to me all the time.” Dean reached out to take the paper from Castiel. “You sound like you've never heard a Beatles song before?” He said sounding questioning and Castiel stuttered trying to find a reasonable answer.

“Oh um well…I only ever learned music on piano, so I am mostly familiar with classical. Ive only just acquired more recent music.” He tried to explain. “I learned from one of my older brothers, and he really only cared for the classical music.”

“Well here, before we start let me play you some Beatles songs then! You've gotta hear some. Its better than classical at least because its got rhythm and lyrics that you can sing along to!” Dean sounded excited as he pulled out his iPod from his back pocket and shuffled through some albums before landing on The Beatles. Castiel leaned in slightly closer from his edge on the bench. He was nervous about getting too close. The last time he got too close without permission, he was slapped hard across the face leaving a bruise. He still wasn't sure how close was too close.

Soon music flooded the room with a steady beat. A group of men began singing ‘Revolution’. Castiel began quietly tapping his foot to the beat and smiling slightly at the song. And Dean saw the enthusiasm rising in him and a minute into the song began singing loudly. “You say you've got a real solutioooon weelll you knoooww! We’d all love to see the plan!” Castiel couldn't help laughing at Deans enthusiasm for this song. “You tell me its the instetutiooon weelll you knooow! Were all doing what we caaaan!” Dean began playing air guitar and Castiel began clapping in time with Deans slightly off key voice. Dean suddenly leaned in closer to Castiel's head “But if you want money for people with minds that hate! All I can tell you is brother you've got to wait!” Castiel was laughing hard at this point and he could feel his stomach starting to heave. If he didn't stop now he would vomit all over the piano and Dean.

“AHAHAHA! Dean! Dean stop!” He tried but soon he was gripping his stomach and throwing his hand over his mouth trying to suppress laughter and the urge to throw up. Dean saw how green Castiel looked and stopped playing the music. He put his arms over his back and started rubbing in circular motions trying to sooth whatever the frail looking man was trying to suppress from coming up. Castiel was calming down now but still felt the need to stay hunched over. Dean took this as a good opportunity to pull him up and drag him to the bathroom. As Castiel leaned over the toilet he still felt wrong throwing up in front of Dean. Wasn't he going to be disgusted with him? Would he still want to stay after seeing something so vile? No. No he wouldn’t. He didn't want Dean to leave yet, they had been having such a good time then this had to happen. He refused to let it out, even when the tears started coming.

“Cas, come on. You’ve gotta let it out. Its gonna keep hurting if you don’t.” Dean tried to encourage. “Ive seen Sam throw up so manny times I know how painful it can be to hold it in. Trust me Cas you've gotta let it out.” Castiel finally complied with his stomachs urge to rid itself of its contents. The sound of hurling filled the small bathroom and Dean kneeled by the shivering mess with blue eyes the whole time. He rubbed comforting circles into his back until he was done. “There feel better? That wasn't so bad was it?” Dean said as he helped Castiel back up.

“No, I just wish it wouldn't happen so often.” He replied with a quiet mumble. Dean however, still caught it. He turned Castiel to him. His face deadpanned and serious. 

“Cas. What did you just say?” He asked. His voice was ice cold and Castiel tried to shrink back but Dean had an iron grip on him. “Why are you throwing up? Are you that underweight?” Castiel could only look down. “I mean I knew you were skinny but damn. God damnit Cas. Why?” Dean asked, actually looking hurt. Why would someone as beautiful and amazing as this man feel the need to whittle himself down to nothing? It hurt Dean. The first man he would allow himself to care for in a non platonic way, didn't even care enough about himself to eat properly? He had only known him for a few weeks, but even in that short amount of time, he felt that Castiel was the most Beautiful man in the world. Physically and spiritually.

“Its not…I mean…” Castiel suddenly couldn't find the right words to say. How do you explain yourself to someone when you had the backstory he had? This was it. Dean would find him completely and utterly disgusting. First from vomiting, and now this. And he couldn't even tell Dean the cause for his anorexia. He couldn't tell him about how much he’s improved over the years. He couldn't tell him anything because he didn't know how. He began to panic and choke on sobs. The tears began forming and he was to scared to move. He didn't want to loose Dean. He was happy when he was with Dean.

Suddenly he was being pulled into strong arms. He was being held close, and soothing words were coming from the man holding him. “Its ok alright? Look I'm not judging you. I just want to know why? Your an amazing person. You shouldn't be going hungry for any reason. Especially to the point where your throwing up. You know that right? Your an amazing person. You don't deserve this. Please don't do this to yourself.”

In that one moment of encouragement and some misunderstanding, Dean made Castiel feel like he was the most important person in the world. He felt more confident than he had in a long, long time. How long had it been? How long had he known that man? Eleven years? Twelve? It didn't matter anymore. He was gone and no one could hurt him now…right? What about Dean? Would he hurt him the way his ex used to? Would he make the same mistakes he did last time? He wasn't sure. He heard the front door open and Gabriel and Sam walk in.

“Cas! Dean! Were back!” Sam was shouting. Gabriel began walking around the house when he saw two figures in the bathroom. The taller one had his arms wrapped around the smaller. And the smaller had his face buried in the others chest, shoulders shaking and hands gripping the back of the red shirt. The smell of vomit came from the direction of the toilet.

“Uh, he was laughing and then he was gaging, so we came here.” Dean tried to explain. Gabriel gave him an accusing look. But he stopped when he looked back at his brother. He looked so small and frail against this man.

“I think me and you need to have a little chat. If its alright with Cas?” He asked and watched the top of Castiel’s head. He hesitated before giving a slow, small nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little tricky since there wasn't a major event going on. I love reading your comments! They make me feel so awesome! Thank you all so much!


	10. And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad story by Gabriel. Dean is pissed.

The first week they had spent together, Dean had invited Castiel over to Bobby's house to help with his prank. Since the door to Sam's room opened inward, Dean decided to fill the room with packing peanuts and made Castiel help. Sam was mad and Castiel was smiling the whole time while Gabriel sat back and watched. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with the door for two hours and had to go outside on his window ledge to see why he couldn't open the door. And another two hours to clean up the mess.

How had it gone from being fun and care free to serious and depressing in a few weeks time? Castiel was lying down in his room while Gabriel sat Sam and Dean down at the kitchen table. Balthazar said he would figure out what to say when the time came, but now that it had, he was stuck. 

“So, you kinda figured it out I guess.” He began awkwardly, looking down into his lap. Dean was sitting with one arm holding his head and Sam with one arm resting on the table, the other on his lap.

“Well, when I first saw him, I thought he was skinny, but I didn't think that meant he was anorexic. Why is he anorexic? No one should be starving themselves like that, especially Cas.” Dean said, mumbling the last part. Sam looked up at Gabriel expecting more of an explanation to it. He wouldn't be sitting them down just to say that his brother is anorexic right?

“Well theres a bit of a story behind it. Im not really sure how to say it so I guess I should start at the beginning? Cas was always athletic and smart. He passed me up in middle school and went right to high school. Lucifer and Michael had just graduated, so he was pretty much by himself. He was nervous and there was this one kid in his class that he really took a liking to. The kid also took a liking to Cas. Soon they were going steady and Cas was really happy with this guy. But…well, we learned a little too late that he wasn't the nicest of guys. When Castiel made it onto the track team, this guy got controlling. He didn't want Cas to spend time on school or sports or even family and friends.

This girl Meg was his only outlet and she was spreading the word to me and my brothers. We told him off and told Cas to stop seeing him. We thought it was over when Cas started going to more track meets. But they had just gotten better at hiding their relationship. Castiel really thought he could change this guy. And when they graduated, they ended up moving in together. We rarely spoke to Castiel after that. He was getting his teachers degree because teaching and encouraging people to learn new things was something he enjoyed doing. He was more than halfway done with it when we lost contact completely. I guess it started out with verbal abuse, telling Cas that he ate too much or that he wasn't at all good looking. That he was lucky to have someone all. Then he got even more controlling and eventually it turned physical. Soon he was breaking bones and locking Cas outside the house without clothes.” Sam interrupted, seeing Dean was too shocked to speak.

“Why didn't he just leave? Obviously he wasn't going to change anything about this guy. What was his name?” No name had been mentioned and Gabriel blinked up at Sam.

“Well Castiel tried, but was pinned down by being told that no one else would want him or that his friends and family were disgusted with him. No one would even want to look in his direction. And finally Cas had enough, didn't care what anyone said, he was leaving. But this guy wasn't planning on letting him go any time soon. He put an ad in the paper that Castiel was willing to do some prostitution for some extra cash and the night he finally decided to leave…well some people had already read the ad. He kept making money off of Cas for weeks without feeding him.” 

“What the hell…” Dean whispered. His eyes were lowered to the table and mouth agape. He wasn't sure what was worse. Being tied up by this abusive monster, or that he was being raped and that his captor was making money off it. 

Gabriel looked at him with understanding and continued. “Well apparently he wasn't planning on staying in that place for long. Soon they moved to another house and when police finally took Castiel down as a missing person, it was too late. When they found him about three years later, he weighed only 70 pounds. He took almost a year recovering and even then, he had a panic attack and overdosed on painkillers. Said he thought that his ex was following him and that he could see him at every corner and even when he slept. He was terrified. Now he gained some weight and is going to therapy. He’s improved so much over the years and even the doctors said he would never recover. But look at him now. He weighs 95 pounds but he's still going. Everyone in our families proud of him.”

“What happened to his ex?” Dean asked sounding murderous. In Deans mind, that man deserved to rot in the deepest pits of hell for what he did to Castiel. He deserved any and every punishment known to man.

“Well he was eventually caught and sent to federal prison for what he did. He got a lifetime sentence without parole and is hopefully getting the same treatment he gave Cas.” Gabriel said. Then realized he hadn't fully answered Sam's question. He turned to him and held his gaze. “Oh, and his name was Alastair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its kinda short but oh well. Meg was made to be Castiel's confident per request of Obviousoption. Thank you!


	11. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to apologize. The marvelous misadventure of Sam and Gabriel. Lucifer mention.

Dean was fuming by the end of the conversation. It wasn't enough that Cas had a beyond abusive boyfriend, but Gabriel had so kindly informed him that his mother had abandoned him. Castiel had been taking shit all his life. And Dean had put him at fault for his anorexia. Without even knowing the cause. He just figured that Castiel was just uncomfortable with his body, and was trying to loose weight at the risk of his health. And then he made him cry. He had to apologize. Dean got up from the table leaving Sam and Gabriel and made his way down the hall. Castiel's room was the last door on the left, across from the hall closet. He knocked on the door.

“Cas? You awake? I need to talk to you.” he waited until he heard a small voice saying 'Hello Dean' telling him he could come in. He found Castiel lying on his bed with blankets pulled up to his ears. Walking slowly towards the desk next to the bed, he took the chair and sat down. “Look, I'm sorry. I pinned everything on you so suddenly I wasn't listening to reason and I made everything sound like it was your fault. I didn't know about what happened and I shouldn't have made you cry.” Dean wasn't sure how to tiptoe around the major event but how else was he supposed to apologize? What else was he supposed to say to make it up to Cas?

Castiel poked his head out from under the covers and looked up at Dean with big blue eyes. “Its not your fault. I wasn't really crying because you got mad. Its just that no ones made me feel that important in a long time, and I was just surprised is all. Im sorry I made you worry. You don't have to apologize.” Castiel said with a shy smile.

Dean paused, then smiled. “Cas, I basically verbally backhanded you by saying it was your fault when it wasn't. Let me apologize alright?” he bent down on his knees and folded his hands on the bed, resembling a prayer position. “Im sorry.” He gave Castiel his best impression of Sam’s puppy eyes. Castiel couldn't help but laugh at Deans attempt at an apology. With his tough guy attitude it was hard to take him seriously in this position.

“Dean! Its ok I swear. You don't need to apologize, or beg for forgiveness. Begging doesn't suit you.” Castiel said sitting up and putting his hands on Deans folded ones. The light from the window was reflecting off of deans eyes and Castiel found himself once again entranced in them. He once again, felt free. He was so entranced in Deans eyes he didn't realize that Dean was staring right back. They had stayed like that for a few minutes and didn't hear Sam and Gabriel walk in.

“Awww, look who's getting married!” Gabriel said suddenly and Cas and Dean looked up in surprise, and pulling away from each other both red in the face. Sam sniggered and held up his phone.

“Benny.” Sam said holding up his phone with a shit eating grin to show a text message from their friend “Benny's getting married. And your going to be best man. Im going with Gabe… guess you found who your taking.” Gabriel starting laughing and walked off towards his bedroom. Sam followed, leaving a red faced Castiel Novak and a mortified Dean Winchester to sit in an awkward silence.

* * *

 

One week later, Gabriel had the afternoon off while Castiel was at work. Sam also had an afternoon off, and invited Gabriel to Bobby's house. Bobby and Dean had just left to pick up some parts, three more cars that needed repairs, and drop off a car at a customers house, so they had at least two hours alone together.

“So Samsquatch finally sneaking me over while mom and dad are away? How naughty of you!” Gabriel said as he put his hands on his hips and leaned onto his side with a suggestive smirk pointed at Sam.

Sam laughed and replied with “Lets hope we don't get caught. C’mon lets go to my room!” He tried to hurry Gabriel up before he would try anything that would turn the house upside down. He was like a curious cat with a semi destructive nature. You never knew what he would do next. Unfortunately Gabriel had found the door to Bobby's room.

“My my my! What have we here!” He said in time with each step into the room. Sam sighed and followed him into the room. “Wow. Lots of old stuff in here. Its more frilly than I would have imagined.” Gabriel said. “Do you think Bobby’s into dudes?” he asked nonchalantly still looking up and down, then made his way into a walk in closet and started pulling things out.

“I doubt it. Hey stop that! He thinks your a prick enough as it is, don't make his view of you any worse.” Sam said. He really wished Gabriel would care about how others see him. At least around Sam's family. He wanted them all to get along.

“How can he think that about me? Theres no difference between us, I mean look at me!” He said jumping out of the closet dressed in oversized Bobby clothing (hat and drawn on mustache included) “Were practically twins!” Sam didn't know why he found it so funny, one moment he’s trying to get his boyfriend out of the closet, the next he’s hunched over laughing until his ribs hurt.

“Whatcha' laughin' at boy?! Get the hell outa' my room before i kick your ass from here to Albuquerque!” Gabriel said in a fairly decent Bobby impersonation. It was the stupidest thing ever. But Sam was having a really hard time trying to stop, and Gabriel kept going. “Cut the crap and go get me a beer! Look out for your brother you idjit! Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?! Balls, this is exhausting!” and they kept coming, within five minutes Sam was on the floor trying to control his breathing and stop the tears that came out.

“Well aren't you proud of yourself!” Sam had to look from around the bed to see Gabriel smirking down at him and putting the Bobby attire back while using a shirt to wipe off the drawn on stache. “Ok seriously though, Bobby’s gonna be pissed that your in his room, lets get outa' here…” Sam was cut off when Gabriel took off Bobby’s shirt revealing he wore none. “…wheres your shirt?” he asked with a dry mouth.

Gabriel turned to him with a knowing look “Whats the matter Sammy boy? Like what you see?” He said as he grabbed his shirt off the floor bending over intentionally in Sam’s direction.

Sam got up and walked over to Gabriel as he stood up straight again and turned around to face Sam (or rather look up at him) while the taller man took the shirt out of his hands. Sam leaned in close, and Gabriel began standing on his toes. And just as they were about to touch lips, Gabriel took off jumping over Bobby’s bed and out the door and into the hallway. Sam instantly knowing what game Gabriel was playing, took off after him, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling light as he jumped over the bed.

“Oh no you don’t!” he yelled with a smile as he caught Gabriel and pinned him against a wall, leaning down and planting a kiss before Gabriel slipped out of his arms again with a bark of laughter dashing his way up the stairs as Sam followed just a few steps behind. “Hey! Wait up!” He yelled. What Gabriel lacked in height, he made up for in speed. Where did you think Castiel got his athletic skill from?

Finally they had made it to Sam's room. Gabriel had jumped to the other side of the bed as Sam made it into the door, throwing the shirt he was still carrying to the ground. They stood on opposite sides of the bed for about ten seconds waiting for the other to jump to one side. When Gabriel leaned left or right so did Sam blocking his escape to the door. Then when ten seconds was up, Sam used his long legs to pounce halfway onto the bed dragging an overly excited Gabriel down with him onto the mattress.

Both lay down out of breath as Sam gathered the smaller man into his arms giving him a couple minutes to catch his breath. “You ok?” he asked remembering his low blood sugar.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just…give me a second.” he said trying to catch his breath. When he was breathing steadily again, Sam brought himself up to hover over Gabriel and lazily kissed him, running his hands through his hair and tilting his head. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Sam's neck and lifted his knee to allow one of Sam’s legs in between his own. After a minute while still kissing, Sam reached his hand down and began to undo the button on Gabriel's pants.

“WHAT THE HELL? SAM CLOSE YOUR DOOR!!!” Deans voice boomed into the room and made Sam and Gabriel jump in surprise while inevitably killing the mood. Sam scrambled to get up and cover Gabriel while also trying to tell Dean off and failing.

“Dude! I thought you went with Bobby! You said you’d be gone for a couple hours!” Sam tried to reason. Gabriel couldn't hep but snicker as he got up buttoning his pants and grabbing his shirt.

“Yeah but we ended up taking separate cars! I told you we would too! Didn't you hear me?! I practically shouted it!”

“I bet he did hear it, he just has a thing for getting caught.” Gabriel winked at Sam before practically skipping out of the room. Sam stared at his boyfriend blushing and open mouthed struggling to find the words.

“Ewww dude, really? Your sick!” Dean teased and walked out of the room. Sam yelled at him and Gabriel laughed.

“Oh Dean-o! Castiel said to send him the invitation to your friends wedding! He doesn't want to miss it.” Dean agreed he would and Sam escorted Gabriel out, giving him a small kiss as he ducked into his car. He could have sworn Gabriel pinched his ass, but he wouldn't get the chance to get Gabriel back because he took off down the driveway. “BY SAMSQUATCH!!!!”

* * *

 

Lucifer was sitting in front of his computer and checking in on his stocks, when a news article caught his attention. It was from last month about a breakout from a federal prison in Nevada. He read the article for about six minutes and picked up his cell phone. “Hey, Lilith? Could you get some information for me sweetheart?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ive been giving Castiel a lot of crap and i need to make it up to him. And i realized that i hadn't really given Gabriel a whole lot of funny lines so this happened. But thats the best thing about this trickster, you can get him to do practically anything! AAAHHHH I FORGOT TO PUT THINGS IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER!


	12. For well you know that its a fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to ask Cas on a date.

Dean walked into the house of the Novak brothers and greeted Gabriel at the door. Sam was at school and Dean had some music lessons to go through. But its not the only reason he was there today. Today was the day he would ask the ever so lovely Castiel out on a date. He had actually planed to ask him earlier but he found out Castiel was anorexic and then he made him cry (he still kicked himself for that) and then he found about his previous boyfriend and wondered if it was a good idea to begin with. 

“Hello Dean.” came the deep voice that was Castiel's. Dean was so excited that he wasn't paying attention when he turned the corner and bumped his shoulder into the wall.  
“Hey Ca- OW!” he said holding the arm that was hit. Castiel looked up at him and gave a small laugh.

“Are you ok Dean? Do you require medical assistance?” he asked just a slight bit concerned. No matter how little, he didn't want Dean to be in any pain. Dean looked at him and gave a smile. How could this guy be so cute?

“Im fine. So, whats the lesson today?” Last week they had finally learned ‘Hey Jude’ and he was getting pretty good at piano. Cas was right, all you have to do is put your mind to it.

“Well I thought this week i’d let you pick. I have a box full of music sheets…” Castiel stated as he walked towards his room. Dean took the few minutes that Cas would take to turn around and ask a texting Gabriel what he thought the best method for asking out Castiel.

“Hey, quick, I need your help.” Dean whispered. “I was gonna ask Cas out to dinner or something, but I don't know how. Where does he like to go?” Dean pleaded with the older Novak.

“Ah… so you really think you can handle Castiel? Hmmm. Im not sure…he is pretty wild after all…” Gabriel took his time answering with a slight hint of sarcasm. Dean groaned impatiently, every second wasted was a second he lost courage, and a second sooner that Castiel would be back from his music box hunt.

“Damn it Gabriel, come on!” Dean pleaded, sounding like a child that couldn't have the toy from the store. Gabriel, again took his time. Looking at his phone and clearly not appreciating Deans impatience.

“I dunno… whats in it for me? I mean after all, Castiel is my brother and isn't exactly the most easy going guy, especially since the last guy who took him out didn't have any intention on bringing him back.” he would only let Dean ask Castiel out if he was sure Castiel was comfortable with it. He knew his brother liked the guy, but how far was he willing to go with him?

“…Gabriel please? I really like Cas. I would never do anything to hurt him. What do I have to do? Get on my hands and knees?” Dean asked, knowing Gabe was just trying to protect his brother. And, of course, Gabriel gave him a face that said ‘Hey, you could give it a shot.’ He groaned and as soon as he was down on one knee, Castiel appeared in the room without the box he mentioned.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a head tilt. Dean had to mentally slap himself, because, really, how could this guy be so cute? “…are you tying you shoes?” Castiel asked. Dean took that as a good excuse to be on one knee in front of Castiel's brother.

“Um, ah yeah!” he said as he got up.He didn't see the fairly impressed look Gabriel gave him. He didn't think Dean would actually get down on his hands and knees. “Wheres the box? Did you need help?” Dean asked looking at Castiel's empty arms.

“Um, yes. It seems to be too heavy for me. there are a lot of music sheets in it.” Castiel looked a bit bashful to admit. “Could…could you maybe…help?” He asked nervously. Afraid Dean would think or call him pathetic and useless. That he couldn't even manage to lift one single box of papers.

“Sure! Where is it?” Dean was more than happy to help. Especially if it got that fearful look off Castiel's face.

“Its in my closet, there are a few boxes, but its the one on top. Or any box you want really. All of them have music sheets.” He added as Dean made his way to Castiel's room. Gabriel got close to Cas and whispered.

“I need to know something. Do you have any interest at all in Dean? If you don’t, I can make him leave right now.” Castiel was a bit shocked by this question. What did he mean by ‘interest in Dean’? 

He was a nice guy. A very nice guy, who had beautiful green eyes that he could stare into forever. He also had these freckles that dotted across his face and brought out his smile. He had a really nice smile. And he never once hit him. Not even when he got too close or said something stupid. He was always saying nice things to him. Just the other day Dean had said something about his eyes. What was it? It had been raining that day and it was extremely cloudy, Oh yeah! ‘You know why the sky is so grey?’ Castiel had shook his head ‘Because all the blue is in your eyes’ and Castiel may or may not have giggled at the lame joke.

Gabriel saw his brothers face transition from confused to flat out red and goofy. Like a teenager who just remembered her crush had said hi to them that morning. He was giving this stupid grin that, if Gabriel hadn't been serious at the moment, he would have taken a picture of and used as blackmail. “Ok ok, I get it. You like him.” He said bringing Castiel back to reality.

Dean had finally come back with a box that contained the music sheets he wanted. Gabriel walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “He likes burgers and pork rinds. And he's not too picky about places either. Also, he likes disney movies.” he said before walking off to get some papers graded in his room. Dean was ecstatic and rushed up to Castiel as he was getting the piano ready.

“Hey, so I was gonna go out for burgers, but Sam doesn't want to come. Do you maybe want to? We could see a movie after if you want?” Dean wasn't a big fan of the new disney movies but would bear it for Cas. Really he only liked Aladdin and Hercules.

“Of course Dean, that sounds wonderful.” Castiel said with a big smile. He looked so excited at the mere mention of the word burgers that it didn't matter what movie they would see. They continued the lesson for the rest of the day but continued to talk about the date between breaks. Both were excited and hopefully all would go smoothly. Hopefully.

* * *

 

When Lilith came back with the information Lucifer wanted, he also requested someone keep an eye on the youngest of the Novak’s. Especially Alfie and the twins. As it read in the report, over fourteen prisoners had escaped. The more he read, the more upset he became. He read off all fourteen names and how they had escaped. All were involved in the escape plan, but twelve had shown up dead. No further information as to how. The thirteenth was currently comatose and in the Nevada state hospital. The fourteenth was never found. 

“Will that be all sir?” Lilith asked from where she stood. She was a good worker and followed orders. And she kept her mouth shut when police came in trying to interrogate her on what kind of establishment Lucifer was running.

“Just one more thing. Can you get Crowley on the phone? I believe he can get further information on this for me. And after, get my brother Gabriel on the phone. I’d like to see how he and Castiel are doing.” He said as Lilith nodded and walked out of the room. Lucifer looked down again at the paper, frowning at the name of the lost prisoner then picked up the phone. “Crowley? I found an article on a break out of a federal prison in Nevada. You said it was maximum security and since it was three states over there was no chance in hell. Did I put my faith in the wrong hands? Yeah its from a month ago…fourteen, twelve dead, one comatose and the last is still M.I.A… Yeah, its him. Im counting on you Crowley. Do _not_ make me regret it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to hurry up and get to Benny's wedding so theres gonna be some time skips for a little while. Sorry I keep editing that last chapter but I think the 'Hello Dean' should have a kinda important meaning in this story.


	13. Who plays it cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes on a date.

_Footsteps. Fast and loud. The drug was wearing off ever so slowly and Castiel could hear the door opening and see the light bounce off the wall he faced. The collar was yanked bringing him face to face with an outraged man. Who was he again? “You little shit. Your not getting out of here just like that.” Ah, this was Alastair’s father…get out? There was no way out. He realized that a long time ago. He was dropped to the floor as another man entered the room. This one was shouting, so much noise. Castiel’s head was throbbing, and his eyes were becoming unfocused. The less the drug had effect, the more he suffered. It would be better if he just passed out, if he received punishment or not. He close his eyes as the two men yelled. Then he heard a loud bang. Opening his eyes he saw Alastair's father fall to the floor, the gun he held clattering down with him. Blood sprayed over Castiel's face and with the pounding in his head growing, he passes out. Then its all black, but he faintly recognizes the sound of sirens all around him. Its so cold, then suddenly just a bit warm, like someone put another blanket on him. He opens his eyes, and sees a man with a wicked grin and a syringe in hand staring down at him._

Castiel wakes up from yet another nightmare. Still seeing the vivid images from his captors dungeon and he wipes at his face trying to get off the blood that wasn't there. He’s nauseous again and rushes to the bathroom throwing the door open so hard it bounces off the wall. As he lets out all he’s got into the toilet Gabriel walks in and gets a towel. When Castiel is done and Gabriel is wiping him down, removing vomit from around his mouth and sweat from his scarred up chest, he hears his little brother whisper the words he has said countless times already “…I'm sorry…”

Gabriel stops wiping and turns Castiel's head up to look at him “Don't you start that again. There is nothing for you to be sorry about. Understand?” Gabriel gives him a stern look that says ‘we are not discussing this because your gonna loose this argument’ He helps Castiel up, lets him rinse out his mouth, and brings him back to bed. Castiel can tuck himself in and Gabriel lets him.

“…Hey Gabe?” Castiel says from under the covers. Gabriel walks up to him and sits on the bed, he lets Cas speak. “Do you think its a bad idea? Going out with Dean I mean. He asked me to go with him to dinner and a movie, but what if he doesn't like me? What if I ruin it? What if he…” Castiel trailed off.

Gabriel knows what he wants to say, but he cant speak his mind for him. He needs Castiel to speak, to tell him what he’s scarred of. “What if he what Cas?” Gabriel leans in putting a hand on his brothers shoulder, and giving it a light squeeze.

“…what if he’s…like _him_?” Castiel whispered. He shivers a bit when he thinks about it. Both were kind to Castiel. Both took a romantic interest in him. Both treated him like he was their world. In the beginning. In the end, Alastair had him by a collar, drugged, in pain and on the border of death by starvation. What would Dean have planned for him? How would Dean dish out punishments? How harshly would Dean punish him if he dropped a spoon? Alastair would heat the spoon till it was red and keep it on Castiel's neck until it was to cool to use. But what would Dean do?

“Cas, listen to me. Whatever that fucker did to you, whatever he said, however he made you feel, thats not how a relationship works. That guy was a monster Cas. Only monsters will ever do what he did. Dean Winchester may be manny things, a groupie, a car freak, a bottomless pit when it comes to pie. But he is not a monster. And if he does anything to you, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or hurt, you have thirteen siblings to back you up. Lucifer being one of them.” 

Gabriel says with a smile. Castiel felt like crying. Castiel did cry. He cried from happiness, from relief, from the truth that only Gabriel could tell him. He was right on every word, especially about Lucifer. He would never let anything happen to his siblings. All the Novak's were sure that its thanks to Lucifer and his ‘side business' that the investigator found him at all. And that Alastair was put on death row in Nevada. But no one would say it, because if they did, the eldest Novak would be put in prison for sure.

* * *

 

That saturday, Dean waited outside of Ellen's bar on main street. Sam was at work and Bobby was inside the bar with Ellen and Jo. Bobby claimed he wanted to go because he “Haven't seen Ellen in a long ass time” and it was about time he paid her a proper visit. It was true that if you don't visit Ellen, she will beat your ass down worse than Bobby. So Dean knew what Bobby said was half true. What Bobby really wanted, was to see what Castiel looked like and how he treated Dean. He met Gabriel and, well he wasn't exactly happy when he found marker stains on one of his shirts, But he treated Sam well, and he couldn't really do anything to wipe the stupid grin off the boys face without breaking his heart in two.

Now, it was Castiel's turn. What would Bobby’s first impression of Castiel be? Would he think he’s too quiet? Like he was ignoring Dean? What about when he gets sick? Would Bobby bark at him the way Dean had? Oh god Dean wished he had thought this through. He should just play it cool. Right? He was thinking of going inside and giving Bobby a heads up on what Castiel looks like, but he heard a familiar engine coming down the road. He turns and, yup, that stupid Cadillac (he still needs to teach Cas about good cars) is coming down and turning the corner into the driveway. He parks and gets out looking a bit embarrassed, Dean comes around the car to say hi and lead him inside when he sees why Castiel is flushed. He’s wearing a new jacket. Well, its more like a waistcoat, but damn, can that man wear a waistcoat.

“Hello Dean…” he squirms a bit looking down and crossing his arms under his chest as if trying to cover himself. His hair is still a mess, but its a cute mess according to Dean.

“Hey Cas! You look good.” Dean says with red cheeks. He walks closer to Castiel and closes the car door for him. “Glad you came, it was so boring without you.” He adds and puts his elbow out for Castiel to take, which he tentatively does and smiles up at Dean.

They walk inside across the surprisingly spotless lot, when Dean holds the door open for them and are greeted with the sight of Bobby siting at the counter talking lively to Ellen, Jo waiting tables with Ash, and a lot of loud, rude, drunks. Why did Dean think this was a good idea? There was a perfectly fine quiet dinner a few blocks down that Castiel would feel more comfortable at, that also served burgers. And pie. He looked down at Castiel who was now shrinking behind Dean ever so slowly. He looked up towards the counter, then up to Dean, then towards the counter again. Dean finally tore his gaze from his blue eyed date, and saw Bobby and Ellen waving them over.

“Hello Dean! What can I do for you? And your friend?” Ellen said with a wink in Castiel's direction. Dean saw Castiel give a shy smile and look up at him and…asking for permission to sit? Why would he ask permission to sit of all things? Nodding, and thinking a bit more, Dean didn't really want to know why.

“Ellen, Bobby, this is Castiel. Hey Cas, this is Bobby me and Sam's surrogate father, and my employer. And Ellen here is like a mom to me, she makes the best burgers in town.” Dean tried to be as calm with Castiel as possible due to the unwanted noise all around them. Looking around now, Dean saw about four people looking in their direction. He didn't like he looks of any of them. Castiel was too busy shaking hands with Bobby and Ellen to notice.

“Its a pleasure to meet you both. Deans said so much about you, and he really thinks highly of you in particular Mr. Singer. He says your the best he's ever seen at fixing cars, and that you taught him how to win at drinking games. He says your the best at that too.” Castiel gets cut off by Dean.

“SOOO, how about some burgers huh? Castiel, what do you like on yours? I like everything on it, so ill take one with everything, and some fries. Cas what about you?” Dean says all in a loud rush, trying to get past his ‘high praise’ of Bobby who gives him a tight lipid glare. Ellen snickers at Castiel's completely innocent tone and expression. Dean would also have to teach him about social norms. And sarcasm.

“Um, I’ll have whatever Dean has?” Castiel says sort of awkwardly. He looks to Ellen who is still smiling and taking down notes.

“And what do you want to drink honey?” Ellen asks looking up at Castiel. She already knows what Dean wants, an ice-cold beer.

“I like beer, it doesn't really matter what kind though.” Castiel says a bit embarrassed looking down. Dean swears he is the cutest thing since sleeping kittens (though he would never admit he likes sleeping kittens).

“Alright, Two burgers, fries and beers coming up.” Ellen says as she begins with pulling the tap and serving two tall beers in front of Cas and Dean. Then she goes back and starts on the burgers. Now Bobby wants to know more about Castiel. Wasting no time he turns on his stool and Faces the thin looking young man. Dean wasn't lying, he really was skinny.

“So, how old are you Cas?” Bobby asks as Castiel turns his stool to look at him. Dean wasn't lying about his eyes either, they are really blue. The kind of blue most girls would kill for.

“…Im 27. I teach at the Community college here in Kansas. I uh, teach piano.” Castiel was a bit nervous under the firm gaze of Bobby singer. He tried to keep the conversation going but he wasn't sure he managed it well. Was he talking to much about himself?

“Piano huh? My wife used to play piano. She taught me and I would play for Sam and Dean. Their youngest brother Adam never visited me when he was little so I never got to play for him. Dean tells me you've got a brother yourself?” Bobby wasn't trying to pry, but he wanted to make sure this kid was ok for Dean. So far he was nothing like Gabriel. Castiel was very respectful.

“Actually, I have fourteen siblings. Were all adopted except for my brother Jimmy, he’s my twin.” Castiel was finding it easier to talk to Bobby, despite his gaze being so intense. Bobby was a little stunned at exactly how manny brothers this young man had all together. How were his parents paying for all of them? They must be either loaded, or broke to be able to take care of fourteen kids.

“Fourteen? Wow thats a lot. I don't think I could ever handle that much child care, herd enough taking care of Dean as it was. He was always getting sick and his worrying over Sam just made him worse. Now look at him. 31 years old and not a single grandchild for me because he's so busy looking after Sam.” 

“Bobby please, don't start this. Look Ellen's back with our food, lets eat huh Cas?” Dean sat back and watch Castiel talk with Bobby (the loudmouth) for long enough. He just wanted to go on a date with Castiel, the one guy he would ever be interested in, but here they were with not one, but two chaperones in a loud obnoxious place that he could see was not the best choice for Cas. He really should have picked a better place. He cursed himself under his breath while Ellen placed two of the best looking burgers in front of them.

“Wow, these do look good.” Castiel said with wide eyes an a mouth that was starting to drool. He picked it up, took a bite, and looked up at Dean “You weren't lying, these are really good Dean!” he said with a mouthful of food and Ellen gave out a laugh.

“Well I'm glad to hear it! C’mon Bobby, lets talk over a private beer.” She says seeing Dean wants his privacy. Dean mouths a silent ‘thank you’ to her and she nods. He starts digging in and Castiel is drinking his beer. It was the start of a good night. Until, thirty minutes into it while they were talking about cars, Dean had to pee. He excused himself praying to god none of the creeps in the bar were thinking of going up to Cas while he was gone. 

Two minutes. He was gone two freaking minutes, and one of the creepers staring earlier was already putting the moves on Cas. The other three guys that were staring were getting up too and Castiel looked freaked out. Those guys were actually pretty big. This guy on Cas obviously didn't know what no meant as he trapped Castiel between him and the bar with his arms on either side of him. The other guys were getting closer and fast. Dean was trying to get to him from across the room but there were too manny people. “Damn it.” he cursed. He wasn't moving fast enough.

Then, something unexpected happened. One of the big guys tapped the creeper on the shoulder. The creeper, pissed off, turned around only to be greeted by a massive muscular chest in front of him. He looked up and was lead outside by all three men. The last man seemed to have said something to Castiel and he visibly relaxed.

Ellen, Bobby, Ash, and Jo saw it at the last second and were also trying to get to Castiel. “What happened? Are you ok? Who were those guys?” was the question they all asked when they finally got passed the crown and in front of Castiel. He jumped a bit at all the questions at once, but Dean leaned in close and held his hand, silently telling him it was ok.

“Well, the first guy walked up to me as soon as Dean went to the restroom. Then he started trying to talk me into going home with him, I was going to get away but he cornered me. Then those three men came and asked him to go outside with them.” Castiel leaned more towards Dean and looked down at the floor. “Im ok. Im sorry if I worried you.” he said sincerely. Dean held his arm and Castiel looked up at him “What did that last guy say to you?”Dean asked, wanting to confirm they meant well. Castiel looked down and back up at Dean.

“He said not to worry and to have a good night.” They left after that, giving Ellen a generous tip. Bobby said he would take the impala, and Dean could go home with Cas. Outside, Castiel wasn't letting go of Deans arm. He noticed something no one else had. That there was no sign of the man or the other three men outside of the Bar. Only a large dark stain on the ground right outside the wooden doors. He didn't want to tell Dean, but he wasn't willing to part with the safety of the mans arm. Not even in the car, nor when they reached his front door. It wasn't a question if he wanted Dean spending the night. Gabriel wasn't coming home any time soon and he didn't feel safe at that moment. He just wanted comfort.

Castiel went to bed and, surprisingly, asked Dean to stay with him until he fell asleep. Plus he felt bad putting Dean on the couch, and there were no guest bedrooms. For some reason, that man at the bar _really_ put castiel on edge. It wasn't because he was a creeper, it was something else...And he didn't want to be alone at all that night. So here he was, back to cam with Dean on his bed under the covers. He didn't know how it happened it just did. He had fallen asleep before him and Castiel was starting to doze off too. He felt Dean turn over in his sleep and throw an arm around Cas. 

He jumped a bit at the sudden closeness of the bigger man, but didn't pull away. He remembered that he would probably have a nightmare and wake Dean up with his crying and throwing up. He prayed that it didn't happen. He prayed that for once, he wouldn't do either of those things to ruin the chance he had with the man next to him. He was dozing off again. Dean pulled him closer, light snoring and all, but Castiel was tired at this point and he wasn't going to fight it. Sleep soon took over.

* * *

 

Back at the bar, in a dark corner of the room where hardly any light hit, the man was sitting in a booth. He had ordered a beer and sat back and watched Castiel with his new ‘friend’. When this ‘Dean’ character had gone to the bathroom, he thought he would see how much had changed about Castiel, the little whore, so he sent one of the drunks over to chat him up and bring him outside.

What he wasn't counting on, was the three big men coming up behind him and dragging him outside. Poor guy, from what he heard, he was very sweet in nature. Too bad he had his brains beet out when he got too close. Good thing it wasn't him. Now he knew Cassie here was being watched. But by who? No problem, he just had to be a bit more careful. The real question though was, how should he handle this Dean character? And what sort of punishment should he give Castiel? Cassie had been naughty while he was away no doubt, he would have to correct that now wouldn't he…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im doing a lot better now guys, I'm finally getting more sleep, and waking up right. :)


	14. By making his world...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel needs a love lesson...

_He was finishing a midterm essay on the coffee table when Alastair came home. The door closed and he was silent. It was a bad thing when he was silent upon arriving home. Castiel knew this and waited. He knew he should have moved, should have left the room or better yet, the apartment. But he just couldn’t. Alastair was standing behind him now. Whatever he had planned, he was going to take his time with it. He wasn't expecting his head to be thrown down onto the table. He wasn't expecting to be held by the scruff of the neck and right arm twisted behind him. But he wasn't surprised by the sharp pain that coursed through his palm. Breaking bones agin, just like last month. “Who were you calling?” He asked squeezing the broken hand, Castiel let out a sharp yelp as he desperately thought back to earlier that day. Alastair had put a special tracker in his cellphone, letting him know where he was and who he called. “Who. Were you. Calling?” He asked again when there was no reply, more forcefully this time throwing the hand down and then pinning it with his knee against the table._  
 _Another scream “No one!” Castiel shouted, it wasn't anyone important, by his boyfriends standards anyways._  
 _“Liar.” more pressure to the hand “Tell me! Who was it?!”_  
 _“GABRIEL!! Fuck Alastair please!” He screamed crumbling to the floor trying to pry his broken hand away, only to cause more pain than what was already there. “Please Alastair let go!” More pressure. More pain. More pressure…more pain…_  
He was crying agin. He was being shaken awake, and he heard two voices…one was Gabriel's, but who did the other voice belong to? “Cas! Cas whats wrong?!” ….was that Dean? Oh no he cried in front of Dean, again. And for what? A nightmare?   
“Cas had a nightmare, ill go get him some water.” Gabriel said as he moved away from the door letting more light in the room. Dean was holding him now, telling him no ones gonna touch him.   
“See? Your in your room with me and Gabriel. No one can touch you here, and if they do, they're gonna be in so much shit. No one can hurt you.” Dean wasn't really sure what he was saying but it seemed to calm Cas down a great deal. He went from crying to only shaking in a couple minutes. When Gabriel came back with water Cas was able to sit up and drink slowly.  
He took the cup with shaky hands and tentatively sipped at it so as not to upset his stomach. He leaned back against the wall as his brother took a seat next to Dean at the edge of the bed. “How you feelin’?” Gabriel asked. Cas looked down at his chest as if he would find an answer there. He felt his stomach turning but he didn't feel the need to vomit. He just felt tired, he wanted to go back to sleep. First he has a nightmare and then he cries again in front of Dean. He felt so pathetic.  
“Im tired…I'm really tired…but I don't feel sick” he said taking another sip of water. Gabriel smiled at that. It was the first time that Cas hadn't felt sick as soon as he woke up. He should take him to a doctor really, just to have a checkup. He may be a teacher but he had no equipment to give Castiel a checkup himself. They should go after the visit to Charlie in the morning. Hopefully it wasn't too busy.   
“Thats good. Hey I'm going back to bed alright, gotta go see Charlie tomorrow. You two sleep tight.” he said with a wink and skipped out the room. Dean watched Gabriel as he left then turned back to Castiel.  
“I umm *cough* I can go if your feelin' safer now…I mean you know, your brothers back and Im sure you don't want me here for longer than I should be.” Dean laughed lightly and got up only to have Castiel on his arm trying to pull him down again.   
Castiel had his eyes shut tight. He didn't know how Dean would punish him for touching him without permission. He was scarred, but he wanted Dean to stay. He didn't want Dean to think he wasn't welcome. He didn't want to be alone in his room. He probably looked like a child to Dean and he would probably hate Cas even more for acting like this, but right now he would do anything to keep Dean here.   
Dean sat back down and had Castiel lay down next to him. Castiel was pulling him down again though, trying to get him under the covers. Dean could only think of him as a little kitten trying to get its owners attention. It was cute. Smiling and totally not blushing, he slid under the covers and wrapped an arm around the smaller man next to him. Castiel was on his side and wrapped octopus style around Dean.  
It felt strange to become so trusting of a man he had known for only a few months. It felt strange to have him in his bed. It felt strange to be wrapped around him in such a familiar manner without permission and not be slapped or strangled. But he liked it. He couldn't say he wasn't scared of Dean, but the large man gave him reason to trust him. To want to be close to him like this and not care if he was struck with a hand or heavy object. Dean was holding him closer, and Cas let him. He snuggled closer as his eye lids got heavier. He heard Deans snoring and soon he himself was once again in a deep sleep.

* * *

  
Dean woke up early he next day, in the same position he had fallen asleep in. He had to use the restroom, but how to get out of Octo-Cas without waking him up was the question. How to do it… should he just risk it and go? No, thats a terrible idea, what if he just pushed himself into the bed and…slowly…ever so slowly…YES! He was free!  
He stretched, went to the bathroom, did his business, and decided to surprise Castiel with breakfast in bed. On his way to the kitchen, he could hear Gabriel talking on the phone with someone. Was he on the phone? He stopped just around the corner of the kitchen.  
“Yeah…ok. No he's not up yet…Yeah he took the guy home with him…No dirty reads were done last night, well other than the ones you did. How long have you known about it anyways?…And you didn't think to tell me?!…Lucifer, your my brother and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks…Does dad know?…Good at least you had the decency to tell someone. How long do you think it'll take to catch him?…Should I tell Cas?…Yeah your right….Ok, well keep your head low. Don't need to be getting you out of a cage.” he said as he hung up. Dean waited a second before he stepped into the kitchen.  
Gabriel looked up as he walked in. He was siting at the table cellphone in between folded hands. “Hey lover boy. How long yah been up?” he asked smiling at Dean who made his way to the coffee pot.   
“Not long. Cas is still asleep, and I wanna make him breakfast. You know what he likes?” he asked keeping his back turned. He didn't want to look Gabriel in the eyes after listening in on what he knew was supposed to be a very private phone call. He poured the hot water in and started the pot.  
“He likes anything. So question two, what did you hear?” Dean turned around not expecting that. “You cant get away with something I've been perfecting since I was three years old Dean-o, if you try that trick on me ill know.” Gabriel said with a small smile. The smell of coffee began filling the room.   
“…It was somewhere around you calling your brother a bag of dicks. I would've asked but I didn't think it was any of my business.” he said looking at the floor now. Gabriel let out a soft sigh and put his phone down as he stood up. He walked over to Dean and stood in front of him. The coffee pot stopped brewing.   
“Yeah your right, its not your business. But should something happen to Cas, and your the only one around, its gonna damn well be. The waffle maker is under the toaster, ill get the batter.” he said as he went to the pantry. Dean went to the corner and opened the spinning cabinet under the toaster. He grabbed the waffle maker and placed it in front of an outlet as Gabriel grabbed the other ingredients from the fridge.  
“So whats going on? Is everything alright with Cas?” Dean started off taking the ingredients from Gabriel. He pulled out a bowl and began pouring and mixing ingredients.   
Gabriel thought for a moment. “Why is it that when I need to explain something, it I is the most complicated thing? Anyways, Lucifer has a lot of connections, and a lot of influence in a lot of places. He got the judge at Alastair's trial to send him to a federal prison in Nevada. He recently found out that there was a breakout at the prison a few months back. Alastair was in that breakout along with 12 others. Eleven were found dead, ones in a coma and they never found Alastair. So now he’s got some of his boys watching Cas and Jimmy until they find him.”  
Dean was silent. He stood with his mouth hanging open and eyes wide. He didn't know how to respond. Did they know where this guy was right now? How were they going to catch him? Would he still be able to cross over three states without being noticed? Would he still be after Castiel? The questions were still running ramped through his mind until Gabriel shaped him out of it.  
“Dean. Look we still don't know where the basdard went. Im not sure how far he would go, or if he'd even bother coming back here. Cas cant know about this, he’s getting better and this might cause him to have another panic attack. He was doing so well, and last night was the first night he went without spitting up his dinner. He has an appointment with Carlie today, so if your going to make him breakfast, you'd better hurry.” he said pointing to the waffle iron, and pulled out his phone to text. Dean looked down then up at Gabriel and nodded. He would finish making Cas breakfast and then leave for work….  
“The guys your brother hired…are they big like wrestlers? And theres three of them?” Gabriel stopped what he was doing and looked up.   
“Yeah, and they were at the bar with you two last night. I heard from Lucifer. Said a guy came up to Cas and was trying to take him home.” ‘It wasn't Alastair though, so they had to hide the body…’ he thought. Last thing he needed was to get Lucifer into trouble with the cops. 

* * *

  
Castiel wasn't sure what to say. That was a lie. He knew what to say, but he didn't want o say it. Or think about it. Dean had surprised him with waffles in bed that morning and Castiel was still surprised he hadn't spit up everything in his stomach yet. Dean left to go to work and the Novak brothers went to see Charlie. The whole drive to the office Cas was thinking of what he wanted to talk about. And now that he was laying down on a couch in front of his red haired friend he knew. But what he wanted to speak of was in a dark place and he wasn't sure he could go there just yet. But if he really wanted any sort of relationship with Dean, he had to try.  
“So you and Dean had a date? What else?” she sounded so excited. He would only disappoint her with his second guessing it. Isn't that what he did to everyone? Disappoint? No, he wasn't going to stop now, he was at a good start. He had to keep going.  
“Yes, we ate hamburgers and when he went to the bathroom I became cornered. And when he drove me home Gabe wasn't there, and I wasn't feeling safe so he slept with me for the rest of the night.” He said as quickly as he could while still letting Charlie understand what he was saying. She was staring now, eyes wide. Had he said something wrong? Should he laugh it off and say he was joking?  
“Cas! Thats…wow! I think thats progress in your personal life. Letting someone that close to you…Im so proud of you.” she said sounding extremely happy. Cas calmed down and smiled turning to look up at the ceiling. It was quiet for a moment then “What else? I know thats not really what you wanted to talk about today. Im a psychiatrist after all, I can tell.” she was leaning in from her beanbag chair, elbows on her knees and pen at the ready.   
Cas didn't know how to start so he looked up at the celling again. He took a deal breath and asked “You've dated people right? More than one?” Charlie chuckled and nodded her head, still not sure where her client was going with this. “Well, did they all…p-punish differently?” He nearly whispered looking down to his shoes. Charlie looked puzzled at first.  
“W-wait what? What do you mean punish?” she asked shaking her head and leaning back, scribbling something on her paper.   
Castiel wasn't looking up and had a long pause before he spoke again. “Well, you know, you get punished, like if you did something without permission…o-or if you break something?” Charlie didn't know how to respond. Se waited for him to give some kind of detail or a better example. “What I mean is…Dean is very nice. He treats me well and he hasn't struck me for getting too close yet. But when he does give punishments, I'm wondering if they will be the same as Alastair's. Or if he is willing to be lenient with me and give ones less harsh.” he said shuddering. He really didn't want to think about it. He remembered all too well the punishments given and he relived them every night.   
“Castiel, when you date someone, there are no punishments. Thats not how dating works. What your describing is abuse, pure and simple…I can tell this is hard for you honey, we can stop whenever you want, but right now I need you to tell me, what do you think it means to feel for someone?”  
“…It means…you have more of a profound bond with them? That if their behavior is incorrect you must do whatever it takes to correct that behavior?” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Isn't that what dating was? Caring enough to stop incorrect behavior and saving the other persons embarrassment? Thats what he had been told throughout his experience.  
“No Castiel. There is a bond but, its built on trust and equality. A relationship is supposed to be for love and…well if the person your dating treats you with beatings and harsh words, there is no bond there. There is no love.”   
He sat back and though for a moment. “Charlie?” he asked and she nodded. “What exactly is love?” she leans forward again and tries to explain. How to explain love to someone who has only known abandonment, fear, and brutality?  
“What is love? Well…its fighting for the ones you care for. Its always being there for others when they need you, and that special bond thats formed…love is when your willing to give your life to save another. Thats what love is.” she finished. Castiel sat still just thinking. Had Alistair done any of that for him? Had he felt any of that for him? No…all of what had happened wasn't normal in a relationship. It wasn't anything like that. So why…why him? Alastair could have lashed out on anyone, so why him? Was he just trying to believe whatever had been done to him was love? Then what was he supposed to believe?  
“But what if Dean is the same way? What if he treats me in the same manner Alastair had?” he asked slightly frantic and Charlie leaned in closer and put a a hand on his thigh.  
“Cas sweat heart, there is little to no chance that he would ever do what Alastair did. Alastair was a monster. He is a monster. And only monsters treat people the way he treated you.” she said calmly. The session was over in five minutes and Charlie decided to call that a day, she waited with Castiel and said her goodbyes to him and Gabriel. She could only pray that her message got through to Cas. 

* * *

  
There was to be a wedding in three weeks time. Benny Lafitte and Jody Mills had invited all their close friends and relatives. From what he understood, Jody was at least three years ahead of Benny. They seemed like a good match. The best man was supposed to be Dean Winchester, who was bringing his brother and their boyfriends along. Gabriel and Castiel. And it was supposed to be a small but beautiful wedding. Now, he himself wasn't a party crasher, but it would in fact be an excellent chance to get a few pictures of the guests. Well… Castiel anyways. It was almost his chance to take back what was his. He could feel it. Soon he would put everything to rest, Castiel included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, filler chapters are hard.


	15. A little colder...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A homeless woman?

Castiel had just finished his last class of the week and he and Jimmy planned on spending the day together. Ever since Jimmy got married a short while after high school and Castiel had been occupied with Alastair they never saw much of one another. Jimmy was now an expecting father with his wife Amelia six months along. They were walking down main street heading down to a food truck. Jimmy actively talking about his unborn child and his wife.  
“We haven't picked a name yet since we don't know the gender. She wants to keep it a surprise but Im really hoping for a girl. Amelia is hoping to find someone to be its godfather or godmother before its born.” he said eyes focused on Cas. “Would you like to do it? I mean I wanted to ask Lucifer and Gabriel too but obviously your my first choice.” he continued looking at his twin with excitement.  
“Of course! Why would I say no?” Castiel said with a huge grin on his face. Jimmy was his brother and he loved him, of course he would do anything for him especially look after his child should anything happen to him and Amelia. Jimmy gave a huge grin and hugged Castiel tight as a gesture of thanks.  
“So what about you? Who’s this ‘Dean’ I keep hearing about? I didn't even get a picture from you! I wanna know what he looks like!” Jimmy said in mock offense as they kept walking, nearly dodging a homeless woman wearing a dirty hat and sweater who was walking quickly in the direction opposite of them and quietly muttering to herself.  
“Well he started off as an extra student I was teaching in my off time. He's a mechanic and he fixed my car. Im still not sure if I should go out with him, Gabriel and Charlie say I should give him a chance, but I'm still not sure what I should do…” Castiel said. He was trying to accept what Charlie had said about couples hurting each other both verbally and physically, about it being abuse and how under normal circumstances, it doesn't happen. But how does it not happen? If not that, then what do couples do to each other? How do they treat each other? “Jimmy?” he asked.  
“Yeah?” How was he supposed to ask this question? Should he start at the beginning? About the conversation he had with Charlie?  
“How, um, how do you treat Amelia? Or how does she treat you?” for a moment Jimmy looked surprised at the question. Then his expression turned to understanding. He didn't really need words to understand Castiel sometimes. Not because they were twins but because they had spent their whole lives together and simply knew by instinct.  
“Well, last night I was working late and although she was tired, she went out of her way to make me dinner for when I got home. And because her back hurts a lot now, I give her back rubs and things like that.” he said with a smile. “Its the little things that we do for each other that we can build a relationship on.” Castiel gave a small nod of understanding as they reached the food truck. “Don't let the past define your future. Some wise guy said that and its a pretty good saying.”  
“Some wise guy? Such an accurate descrip-“ Castiel's laughter was cut off by the sudden screeching of cars coming from behind them. Both men whirled around along with everyone else on the sidewalk to see a row of cars stopping to avoid a homeless woman, who seemed to have wandered into traffic. She was muttering something to herself with her head down, and not paying any mind to the large truck that had almost run her over. Now walking in circles throughout the whole road and causing more traffic, it became clear to both Castiel and Jimmy that she was not mentally stable and that no one else was willing to help. Both gave each other a look of concern and made their way over to, at the very least, help her get across the street. Horns blaring and drivers yelling for her to get out of the way, they started a light jog in her direction.  
“Excuse me! Miss?” Jimmy said as castiel kept his pace “You really shouldn't stand in the middle of the road. Its not safe.” as Jimmy stood on her right side Castiel made it to her left and took her arm. At first she froze and kept muttering complete nonsense to herself. Then slowly, she let Castiel lead her across the street with jimmy following behind them and waving apologetically at the irritated drivers. Jimmy thought he should call an ambulance to make sure she wasn't hurt.  
As she stepped onto the sidewalk and the horns died down, Castiel asked “Are you ok? Do you need help?” He wasn't sure what help he could offer her, but if it meant not letting her get run over as a consequence of his negligence, then he would do whatever he could. She was still muttering to herself, head still down. “Miss?” he asked again leaning down so she had to look him in the eye. He caught just a few words she was muttering.”  
“Said stay, babies…” he looked up at Jimmy who had just finished speaking to a dispatcher. He shrugged and pulled Castiel to the side while the woman stayed still.  
“She's obviously not going to respond, we just need to get her to a safer place. Wait for the ambulance to come, they can ask her questions and make sure she's in good health, they know how to deal with this better than we do.” Castiel gave a small nod and turned to see the woman staring at them both dead in the eyes. She was no longer muttering, only standing and staring with her mouth slightly open. Jimmy looked up too and was equally as shocked.  
She was incredibly thin, pale and dirty. Her hands and lips looked so dry and her dark circled eyes kept going back and forth between the two brothers. This is what they were staring at. Her eyes. Just like theirs, they were a stunning shocking blue. For both of them, more and more recognizable features were coming into place. A small mole on the corner of her lip, a thin scar under her chin, dark brown hair, a chip in her tooth, even her height and posture. This went on for what felt like an eternity and they heard sirens coming from the distance. Finally it was Jimmy who spoke, if only to get some kind of reaction, or a sign of confirmation from this homeless woman before the ambulance took her away. “…Mom?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought she was a good surprise character. Lets see how it plays out?


	16. Hey jude, don't let me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a nice day for a white wedding...and something more.

It was about 12:30 and Dean was washing the Impala. He was almost done and soon he would be in his room getting ready to pick up Castiel and Gabriel for the wedding. Sam was in the bathroom testing witch cologne he should wear. Dean would have to make sure he taught his baby brother well in the art of putting on the right amount of cologne. Not too much and not too little. As he was putting the towel and scrub away he thought back to the past week remembering when Castiel had called him in a panic. The first thing he heard was Cas telling him he was in the hospital. He nearly had a heart attack before Castiel told him who he and his brother had found on the streets. “Jimmy’s calling dad and the others and I don't know what to do dean!” he was crying then “What if she hates us? Is that why she left? What if she's sick and we cant help her?” What do you say to someone who had just found their mother after so manny years in the streets and high on god knows what?

First, Dean felt angry. Where the hell was she? After all the bullshit Castiel and Jimmy went through just to find her? Nearly loosing Jimmy, their birthdays, graduations, Jimmy's wedding, nearly loosing Castiel twice, she just left them and…for what? What was so important that she leave her children to fend for themselves? Jimmy could have died if it wasn't for the Novak's. And Cas, he didn't feel loved after loosing her, just pitied, so he had to look for love in all the wrong places. After a few seconds and Castiel still sobbing on the phone, he felt conflicted. Was she really trying to ditch them? Who would do that and why? Was it really her fault? Where was she? He told Cas to wait outside and he would come to see him. He drove as fast as he could and when he got there Castiel came running up to him and saying Jimmy had come out and said she was fine, and that their father was on the way. When the night was over, their mother had been put into the psych ward so she could be watched over night. She appeared to be clear of any drugs in her system so that was good. But now, with the wedding, he had to make sure Cas had a good time. He wanted him to forget all his troubles and just have fun. Cas had so much to worry about already, just one night where he did nothing but laugh and dance was all he wanted to give him. So he went upstairs to check on Sam and take a shower. Sam was wearing way too much cologne, and had to wipe off as much as he could.

* * *

 

“Hey buddy yah look pale. You ok?” Gabriel had been watching Castiel from the doorway in his bedroom. Cas was trying and failing to put on his tie, but he didn't seem bothered by it. He just kept going through the same motions over and over as if in a daze. He jumped at the sound of Gabriel's voice and spun around to see him leaning in on the door frame.

“Oh…Im ok… its just the tie…” he said looking down at the silk navy blue accessory hanging from his neck “It doesn't seem to want to…tie…” he continued to stare at it for a bit longer before Gabriel wordlessly walked over and tied it in a few swift motions. “Thanks.” he was still thinking about the other day when he and come across his mother with Jimmy. They were still visiting every day to see how she was doing. She still hadn't said a word to them but she was still muttering to herself. After they got her to the hospital, she wasn't looking anyone in the eyes. Even if she looked across at Jimmy or Castiel she didn't show any signs of recognition the way she has before. They think she hit her head or something because there haven't been any signs of drug abuse in her system but there were a few oddly shaped lumps on her head. They still need to give her a few tests but when she's calmed down a bit. 

“Hellooooo? Earth to Cas?” Gabriel had been trying to talk to him but he had been zoned out. Gabriel took the look of confusion as a response “…Look buddy if you need to talk about something you better do it now. Sam and Dean are going to be here soon and we wont be able to talk at the wedding.” Castiel took a moment to stare and put his words together. He found himself looking at the floor eyes watering and Gabriel’s arm around his back.

“What if she doesn't remember us? She always looked out for us even when she had to sacrifice whatever she had to keep us fed. What if she hates us and thats why she left? Does she even remember us? Does she even want to?” crying, he put his hands over his eyes and Gabriel wrapped him in a tight hug. How does he react to this? Castiel spent his whole life feeling rejected as both a son and a lover, anything Gabriel says, Castiel was unlikely to believe or want to believe.

“Cas buddy, listen.” he steps back and makes Castiel look him in the eyes “Your mom was in a bad spot when she left you guys, theres no denying that. But keeping you two alive even if it meant sacrificing things for herself is what a parent does. Its their job, to make sure their child grows up healthy and strong. If she ever thought of you two as anything less than a burden then she isn't much of a mother. I don't know why she left, only she does, but I doubt it had anything to do with you or your brother. When the doctors get her talking again, and they will, you'll see. I promise.” For a moment Castiel only stared. He looked down, teared up a bit, and put his head back on his brothers shoulder. They stayed like this until they heard a car honking outside.

 

* * *

It was about 7:30 when they arrived, the sun was almost completely set. The impala rolled over and down the hill to see over Benny’s family farm. It was a large and beautiful vine yard. The grape vines were tall and stretched in all directions. In the distance was the barn a couple yards behind the house, covered in white string lights and filled with small round tables and a vase of Dragon Lilly flowers on each. If you looked just past the barn, you would see a tall arch adorned in a long white cloth, white and pink roses, more sting lights, and a chandelier. It stood in front of four by six rows of chairs on either side of a stone paved isle and an assortment of pale colored roses running against every other row of chairs. Most of the seats have already been filled and the photographer (a short, grey haired man) was waiting towards the front of the isle for the wedding to start. 

Dean parked the car along with the others on the rode by the barn. He and Sam would look for Benny in the barn, as he knew Jody would be in the house (so the groom wouldn't see the bride before the wedding) and Castiel and Gabriel would find their reserved seats in the rows of people. Walking in they see Bobby in his sunday best helping to steady a ladder for another man hooking the last pieces of crystal onto an old fashioned chandelier. “I take it your dates rounded up enough common sense to ditch your sorry asses?” He said as they approached.

“Hi Bobby. And yes, they ditch us to go find our seats.” said Sam “Wheres Benny? Trying to sneak a peek at his bride?” as he said this he heard Dean let out a small, totally manly, scream. Spinning around, he saw that Benny had snuck up on Dean from behind. He was laughing and Dean was obviously trying to keep his patience.

“Glad you could make it brotha’! I thought you'd never show. Wheres your dates? Did they flake out on yah?” Bobby was chuckling from behind them. 

“No, they're getting their seats, When are you going to get up on the stage? Its almost showtime.” Dean said looking at his watch. Sam looking through the back of the barn could see Gabriel's shorter form taking a seat next to Cas in the front rows. Castiel seemed to be doing better than when they had picked them up. His eyes had been red and he wasn't really saying anything. Now he was making small talk with Gabriel who was laughing. He couldn't see if Castiel was smiling at his jokes but he was nodding at whatever his brother said, so it was a good enough sign. People were starting to fill in the seats, and it was nearly dark outside. It was time.

“Alright lets get going. Sam go sit with your boyfriend, I gotta back Benny’s sister up in case he tries to run.” Laughing Benny goes towards the back doors of the barn and down the isle. Dean trots off to the house to find Benny’s sister, whom he was paired up with to walk down the isle, as she was the maid of honor. Sam waited for Bobby and the man on the ladder and goes to his seat with Gabriel and Castiel. Within minutes, music starts to play and Dean and Amanda walk down the isle arm in arm followed by more of Benny and Jody's friends. All brides maids wear identical flowy baby green dresses, and split from their tuxedo wearing partners. for a moment there is silence, then the music begins again, louder and everyone rises. All eyes, except one, are on the barn doors. A woman holding her fathers arm, walks down the isle. Her hair is short and dark, eyes smokey and filled with excitement. She wears an enchanting white gown with a strap going from the front of her dress, behind her neck, and back to the front. The bust is laced with a feathery pattern, elegantly forming around he waist, then flowing over her hips, and past her ankles, like a waterfall. Every one in the crowd is focused on her, seeing her, not as officer Jody Mills, nor as their friend or family member, they see her as an angel that has come down to grace them with her presence. 

The only one not seeing her, is Dean. Instead out of the corner of his eye, he watches the groom. Benny goes from one big goofy grin, to a man gasping and ready to burst into tears. Its as if he's seeing her for the first time in years. He wants her next to him, now and always. One day, Dean hopes, he will have that same look on his face, seeing someone he cares that deeply for walk down the isle and into his waiting arms. He wants to fantasize about that, but now Jody is next to Benny, and they are taking their vows. The priest has given them the signal to start speaking. Benny goes first. Both bride and groom carried their own rings, so there was no need for the ring bearer.

“Jody Mills, I fell in love with every aspect of you, and today, I vow to be your best friend, faithful partner, and for you to be my one true love. I promise to encourage you, protect you, inspire you, and to love you truly, through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down, and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures and misadventures in life together. Take this ring as a seal upon these vows I have spoken, and as you wear it, may it be a reminder of how much I love you, not only on this precious day, but every single day of your life.” placing the ring on her finger, he finished. It was now Jody’s turn.

“Benny Lafitte, I fell in love with you the day we met, today, I vow to be your best friend, to have your back no matter what, to let you fight your own battles, but to tap in when you need help, to hold your hand and to tell you I love you every chance I get. I promise to confide in you and comfort you, to trust and support you and to be there when you need me most, always and forever. Take this ring as a seal upon these vows I have spoken, and as you wear it, may it be a reminder of how much I love you, not only on this precious day, but every single day of your life.” Jody takes Benny's hand and places the ring on his finger. The priest begins to speak again.

“Do you, Jody Mills, take Benny Lafitte to be your lawfully wedded husband as long as you both shall live to cherish hold and comfort through sickness or poverty till death do you part?” to which Jody replied…

“I do.” and he continued to Benny.

“Do you, Benny Lafitte, take Jody Mills be your lawfully wedded wife, to cherish hold and comfort through sickness or poverty for as long as you both shall live till the cold embrace of death do you part?” he asked and Benny who was grinning from ear to ear, instantly nodded and said

“I do.” the priest seeming satisfied and closed his eyes. He gave one small nod, and spoke, voice ringing loud and clear.

“Now then, are there any objections? Speak now, or forever and always, hold your piece!” and of course, no one spoke “Then by the power vested in me by the holy spirit, I now pronounce you, husband and wife.” Benny puled Jody close and they both chuckled along with the priest “You may now kiss the bride.” Benny dipped jody and kissed her passionately and deeply. The camera was flashing, the rows were applauding, whistling and laughing, and the new couple was nearly prancing down the isle. Dean walked his paired maid of honor into the barn and from there the party began.

 

* * *

After the toast’s were said and dinner was eaten night had fallen and Dean finally worked up the courage to ask Castiel to dance. It was a slow dance and simple enough so Castiel was on his feet and trying to forget his troubles with Dean. The photographer was getting every one in the pictures but seemed to be taking an interest in Dean, Sam and their dates. After a while he moved on and was photographing the new couple and their families.

Castiel tentatively rested his head on Deans shoulder and Dean rested his chin on top of Cas’s head. He still hadn't spoken and it was obvious he was trying to enjoy himself, but Dean could see right through him. Years of raising Sam had given him a sort of intuition when it came to a false emotion. The music stopped and Dean pulled Cas outside.

“Lets go for a walk instead huh? Get away from all the noise?” He said as thy started walking through the grape vines. Castiel only nodded as he was led by Deans hand. Five minutes into the walk Castiel stopped and Dean turned around. His head was turned down and he was still holding onto Deans hand. “Whats wrong? Do you wanna go back?”

Castiel shook his head and looked up at Dean. “Why do you like me so much?” this took Dean by surprise and Castiel elaborated. “Im pretty plane, and I have issues. You know that. But I'm pretty sure you could have anyone. Your good looking and smart. And your really nice, so why take an interest in me? Im hardly worth the effort…” he looked down again. Dean walked closer grabbing his shoulders. 

“What are you talking about?” he looked up and Dean was staring into those blue orbs. He could see a lot of things in Cas’s eyes from this close up. Pain, fear, hopelessness, things he couldn't bear to see in Cas, or anyone for that matter. Why ask this of all things? What was he talking about? “Cas I'm with you because I like you. I want to be with you because you _are_ worth the effort. I don't want anyone, I want you. W-“ he was cut off.

“But what about when you get tired of me? What will you do then? Are you going to throw me away or leave me? What about that? What will I do then?” they were quiet for a moment, then Deans eyes widened a bit. He didn't quite understand at first but now, all he wanted was to hold Cas.

He let go of Castiel, took off his jacket and laid it out on the floor. “Cas, sit down and listen.” Castiel hesitated then slowly sat down next to Dean. “Look, I don't know what that guy did to you. I don't know what your mom meant to you, or why anything is the way it is. But I like you because you are the nicest guy I have ever met. Because you have been through hell and back and your still going strong. Im not going to leave you. And I sure as hell aint throwin you away. Your not plain, your not boring, and you are worth all the effort in the world. Look at yourself! Your beautiful and smart and talented and people would kill to be you. Anyone who would ditch you is a straight up douch bag and anyone who is with you is the luckiest person alive. Look at your family. You have so manny people that love you and would happily lay down their lives for you. I know that self doubt isn't an easy thing to get rid of and I know that your probably not going to believe a word I'm saying, but I'm telling you right now that I mean every single word. Im here for you Cas. We all are, and nothing can change that.” 

Castiel was tearing up and Dean pulled his head to his shoulder. He let him cry for what felt like hours. His shirt was wet and his arm was tired from rubbing Cas’s back but he didn't mind. Cas needed this, and he would gladly provide. After a long time Cas stopped crying. He looked up and stared at Dean. He wanted to… well it was scary and he wasn't sure if his brothers were right or not, but he really wanted to…

“Dean…” he whispered. Dean looked down and in a second, Castiel’s lips were on his. Soft yet chapped, and cool. His cheek was still damp from crying and he was a little clumsy, but it was sweet. He pulled away looking bashful and nervous. Dean couldn't help it, it was too cute, he leaned in and they were kissing again. They missed the party and Sam and Gabriel had to come looking for them. No one noticed the man at the end of the field taking pictures with the flash off. Nor did they notice another man receiving the pictures as they left for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late, I had trouble with the details. I want the wedding to be as realistic as possible. And thanks for sticking around this far!


	17. You have found her, now go and get her...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to the hospital

At the same moment as Castiel’s attempt at moving forward and breaking down his personal walls, back in the hospital, Jimmy watched with hopeful eyes as his mother stared back at him, eyes wide yet unfocused. Like she was staring right through him. His wife sat beside him nodding off, exhausted from the pregnancy. They would be heading home soon, as she almost lost their daughter once from stress, and lack of proper sleep. The nurse came in to give Jimmy’s mother her medication. She informed them that visiting hours were over and that they should leave so the hospital could lock up. Jimmy helped Amelia to stand and led her out of the hospital in her half asleep state. She was led past a corridor where, at the end, a man at the end of the hallway, approached. At first she thought nothing of it. Just another man leaving the hospital so late at night. She didn't mind being there so late, if she had just found her mother after so many years, she knew Jimmy would come and stay by her side too.

Once signed out and in the parking lot however, the man continued to follow them. Earlier that day, the lot had been packed, they had to move to the roof top. They got into the elevator and the man followed, but didn't push a floor number. Is his car on the rooftop too? she wondered. The elevator moved slowly. She noted that Jimmy wasn't paying much attention, that this man reeked of alcohol, like he hadn't showered in days, or washed his clothes. She became increasingly uncomfortable as he seemed to be closer than necessary in the wide elevator. No longer half asleep, she squeezed Jimmy's arm until he looked at her and noticed her discomfort. Putting an arm around her protectively as they prepared to leave the elevator to the rooftop, just as the doors opened, the man spoke. 

“Y’all drive safe now, keep that baby nice and safe.” Amelia glanced out of the door and dragged Jimmy out of the elevator and onto the rooftop parking. They made it to the car as Amelia took the keys so she could drive. Jimmy made no arguments as he saw that she was in a panicked state and he needed to calm her down as they sped away. 

“Amelia! Calm down! Were at the hospital!” Jimmy was getting scared at her lack of normally relaxed driving. She was finally out of the parking lot and onto the streets.   
“Calm down?! CALM DOWN JIMMY? IN CASE YOU DIDNT NOTICE, THAT MAN FOLLOWED US TO THE ROOF AND OUR CAR WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE!”

* * *

 

Castiel woke up the next day feeling well enough. Nightmares and uneasiness in the morning as usual but they stopped bothering him so much when he remembered what had happened the previous night. He remembered how proud he was of his sudden courage, and how happy he was when Dean didn't push him away. He also remembered being a bit embarrassed when Gabriel and Sam found them.

Dean had dropped them off back at the house while he and Sam went back to Bobby’s. Gabriel had looked so proud as soon as the door shut. They were almost up until 4am talking about it like a couple of school girls on prom night. He was so emotionally exhausted, Castiel had to sleep while Gabriel washed up.

Now he was awake and looking at his messages, he noticed Jimmy had called him a few times and even sent messages asking if he was alright. He had to tell Jimmy as soon as possible that his first kiss with Dean was as amazing as he had hoped it’d be. But later, for now his phone was dying and he was hungry. He got up and made his way to the kitchen, where he could hear a hushed voice. Gabriel? Who was he talking to so quietly for? Probably trying not to wake him up. He figured it would be fine if he just walked in and kept it quiet. Gabriel had his back turned to him and was leaning on the counter. He hadn't taken any notice of Castiel, but Cas could now hear Gabriel’s end of the conversation…and he found it a bit interesting.

“…..who was it then?……If i don't tell Cas then Jimmy will…..Lucifer you either find this guy or we have to send Cas and Jimmy out of state……But i actually met him. He's fucking psychotic, and he doesn't care what happens as long as he gets what he wants. That includes killing Jimmy and Amelia……I know…Lucifer you saw him when we found him, you know what his recovery was like. If he finds out Alastair is back-“

And at those words Castiel felt his blood run cold. What… Did he hear that right?it couldn't be possible, he was two states away. Gabriel had stopped speaking, the room was spinning. If he's back here, I'm going back there… Suddenly he couldn't breath. I don't wanna go back, I can't go, IcantgoIcantgoIcantgoIcantgoIcantgoIcantgo. He was on the floor, he was on his knees, he couldn't tell if he was screaming or crying or both. His chest hurt. The room was going completely black. Something was grabbing him, his instincts told him to fight it. He struggled to inch back until he felt his back hit something solid. He had forgotten where he was, or who he was with, the happiness from that morning was dead and gone. He had forgotten there was even a happy moment to go back to. All he knew was that its dark and cold and empty. And he was scared.

* * *

 

All Gabriel knew was Jimmy had been stalked the night before by someone who wasn't Alastair. Lucifer was trying to let him know how they should tell Cas when he heard a thud and heavy breathing behind him. Cas was on the floor, one arm holding his chest, the other trying to tear out his hair. He was hunched over looking ready to vomit. Gabriel threw down the phone as Castiel started to scream. He looked so terrified, and Gabriel knew Cas had heard everything. 

“Cas! CAS! Look at me! Come on lil buddy look at me!” He tried getting closer to hold his brother, to give him some sort of indication that Gabriel was here and not Alastair. He wasn't in the basement anymore. But Castiel nearly fell back trying to hide himself under the table, only to corner himself on the far leg underneath it.

“Shit…” He ran back to the phone, Castiel still frantic under the table, “Lucifer i need to call you back, Cas heard and now he's screaming, I need an ambulance or something!” Lucifer said he'd call for one and Gabriel need to get him under control. Gabriel hung up and went back under the table to try and reach Cas.

“Castiel…Please, listen! Im not him! Your not in the basement! Cas!” He tried reaching out to touch Cas’s knee, but it only caused him to scream louder and try to hide farther under the table. He wasn't clutching at his chest anymore, he was hiding his head under his arms and in his legs. “Castiel Please!” 

“NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO” It was all Castiel was screaming now. Shaking and crying, he couldn't even hear Gabriel trying to reach him. Finally as Gabriel heard the ambulance sirens coming, he decided to take one last shot, and dived under the table forcing Castiel into his arms, holding him still so that maybe, just maybe, he’d hear him.

“Cas buddy…remember that time we were running from that dog?” Castiel was still screaming, trying to get away. “Remember how me you and jimmy all tried to run under the bridge, but it wasn't big enough for all three, so you let us go first, and you ended up with the bloody ankle?” The screaming wasn't as loud as before. “Remember when we got home that night? Lucifer went and got us at the hospital? You were crying then too. He was so mad that we went to that side of town, but he was even angrier they couldn't find the dog that bit you. He sang you to sleep that night. It was my moms lullaby. She used to sing it to us if we were sick or hurt or sad. Remember?” Castiel was crying now, but the screaming had stopped.

Gabriel couldn't stop, even when the medics were banging on the door “You are my sunshine…my only sunshine….you make me happy, when sky’s are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away….” His crying had quieted down too. “The other night dear, while I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken, and so I hung my head and cried…” The paramedics had broken in. Gabriel waved them over to were they were and Castiel went with them silently, tears falling, and without a fight.

* * *

 

Sam was working on his essay when got a phone call from Gabriel. 10am and already wanting to gossip about Dean and Cas. He picked up the phone and answered “Hey Gabe! Whats up?” From Gabriel’s end, he could hear a lot of noise, like hushed voices. It made him feel somewhat uneasy.

“Hey Sam. Um, I might not be able to hang out tomorrow.” he sounded hesitant “Im not really sure when the next time we can get together will be. Something happened with Cas and I was wondering if you could tell Dean for me.”

“Yeah sure Gabe, but whats going on? Where are you? Is Cas alright?” Sam could feel the uneasiness settle into nervousness as he got up to get Dean.

“Well remember that talk we had? About Alastair and I asked you and Dean not to tell Cas? Cas heard me talking this morning and had a panic attack, and now we’re in the hospital. I have more to tell you but Ill say it later, for now can you tell Dean to meet us at the hospital?”

“How is he? Us? Who’re you with?” The voices in the back were getting quieter, like they were moving away.

“Im with my family. Everyone came and I still haven't checked for myself but the nurse said he was doin' ok. We should be good to go in a few hours. I just thought you guys should know, and that Cas would want to see his new boyfriend.” he tried to make a joke...

Sam let out a small laugh “Alright we’ll be there as soon as possible. Need us to bring anything?”

“No, I think we’ve got everything here. I gotta go, they only let so manny people into the patients room at once and theres a lot of people here. Later.”

“Later…” They hung up. Dean was patching a hole in the side of a 68 Ranchero and Bobby was managing finances. It was a slow day and there wasn't much to do. As soon as Dean heard ‘Castiel’ and ‘Hospital’ they practically teleported to the Impala. Bobby had to run out and ask where the hell they were going.

“The hospital! There was some trouble with Cas and Gabe asked us to go!” Bobby looked surprised but waved them out anyways.

“Idjits. Remember your almost out of gas.” Dean looked at the dial and looked pissed. 

“So what did Gabriel say about Cas? Why is he in the hospital?” Dean asked as they sped down to the Gas station. He was pissed that Cas might have been hurt or worse, with what Gabriel had said about Alastair breaking out. Needing to fill up the gas tank just made him more irritable. 

“He said Cas had a panic attack, because he was talking about that Alastair guy early in the morning. Im not sure what he said about him but he’s gonna tell us more when we get there.” Sam knew Dean was nervous. He was always trying to protect everyone and Cas seemed to just draw danger. It was never his fault really, trouble just happened to follow him, and because of that Dean was going to worry even more.

“Shit…” Dean pulled into the gas station and saw that the only one available wasn't taking a card. He would have to go inside to pay. “Put the hose in, ill go pay.” Sam nodded and got out of the car.

Inside the station, dean had to wait behind an older man and a couple of teenagers. He let out a sigh. Cas is in the hospital, that asshole is running around and no one knows where…Cas probably wont sleep tonight. He started looking around. The teens are taking forever. In the corner of the building, were all the tourist merchandise, hats, snow globes, toy trucks and…stuffed bee’s? Big ones too. They looked like pillows. On their first date, Cas mentioned liking bee’s a lot. He thought it was funny how their small wings could carry such big bodies. “What the hell…” he mumbled and started walking over to the bee’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, this time i was just procrastinating....wow this took forever. I think the next chapter things will get a little more interesting...


	18. Remember to let her into your heart,

In the hospital, Dean and Sam walked on to the fourth floor and to the end of the hall. The last room to the left was where Cas was. As they walked in, they couldn't even see past the sea of people Dean could only assume was the Novak family. Sam saw the head of Gabriel and waved him over. Instead Gabriel made a clear line from Dean to Castiel. “Hey guys! Make some room! His boyfriends here.” Deans face went a little rd at being referred to as “boyfriend” but this wasn't the time or place to argue. With a fat stuffed bee in his hand he walked over through to castiel, all Novak eyes on him.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel said with a small smile as Dean sat beside him. He had an oxygen mask resting on his chest as if it was just used. He looked so tired, his eyes were slightly red with dark circles around them. Gabriel tried to give them some privacy by clearing out the room. For a tricky asshole, he wasn't so bad. The whole Novak clan declared to go down to the food court and come back in an hour or so.

“Hey Cas, how’r you feelin?” Why was Castiel always so formal? He didn't always have to say “hello” he could say “hi” or “hey” but maybe that was just Cas’s way of being polite to Dean, his own little way of showing he liked Dean. It was a little quirky but in the end, Dean liked it. It just made Cas, Cas. “I got you this, I thought it’d make a nice pillow.” He handed over the fat bee from the gas station.

His eyes widened and he let out a small laugh “Thank you Dean, could you put it behind me?” He leaned forward as Dean places the pillow behind him. Despite it being overstuffed, it was pretty soft. “Its so cute, I love it.” He said with a proud smile. Deans heat broke a little bit. Seeing his Castiel stuck in a hospital with a recently used oxygen mask and he was still able to smile like that. When did he start referring to Cas as “his”?

* * *

 

“So what happened?” Sam asked turning to Gabriel. “You said he had a panic attack? And how in the hell did your whole family fit into this room?”

“Magic Sammy boy. Where'd Dean-o get the bee?” Gabriel asked, pulling up a couple of chairs for themselves in the hallway.

“Magic.” said Sam. He laughed at his own joke. “Seriously what happened? Is Cas gonna be ok?”

Gabriel sighed “The doctor says he should be kept overnight for observational purposes. But he also said he only needed to be kept a few hours. He heard me talking to Lucifer about Alastair being back. He started screaming and I called the ambulance and tried to calm him down. He went under the table, started crying and wouldn't come out. It took a whole 30 minutes just to get him to stop screaming. Then the ambulance broke down the door and he went with them. I thought a visit from Dean would make things a lil more cheery for him.” Gabriel’s voice started to crack. Sam quickly put his arm over Gabriel’s shoulder and pulled him closer. Gabriel buried his head into the side of Sam’s jacket and began shivering. “I don't know what to do Sam… he’s not talking to me anymore. He wont tell me how to help him. What do I do Sam?” Sam held Gabriel’s head closer to his chest.

“Give him time Gabe. Im sure he’ll start talking again soon. Lets just figure out this whole ‘wheres Alastair’ thing first.” They waited for Gabriel to calm down before they went off to find the Novak clan. 

* * *

 

In the hospital room Dean tried avoiding any stressful subjects. “I think I'm finally getting the piano down. Maybe when your outa here we can go for another lesson?” He joked, earning a grin from Cas. “And maybe to celebrate we could hit the town or something?”

“Of course Dean, I would love to go on another date with you. Have you ever been to the museum in Hays? I haven't , and I would really like to go with someone. Gabriel doesn't seem interested in going though.” Cas spoke fast and had to catch his breath. He’d sped past the part where Gabriel wouldn't want to go when Dean knew damn well Gabe would go anywhere with Cas.

“Cas, you know Gabriel wouldn't mind going. Did you even try asking him? We could all go and make it a double date if you want?” Cas sat still for a second, almost looking pouty. It would've been cute if he didn't have that damn mask on his chest. 

“Dean” he said quietly “he knew about Alastair. both him and Lucifer knew and they didn't tell me. Now he's telling me that you knew too. Im not mad at you since you where only doing as he asked, but isn't it his job as my brother to let me know about something like this?” Dean understood what Cas was saying, but how long was he going to stay mad at Gabriel?

“Cas, you throw up just laughing too hard, and when you did find out Alastair was out of prison, you ended up here. Why do you think Gabriel wanted to hide this from you? He wanted to keep you on a good recovery path like any brother should do. If Sam was ever hurt i’d beat the shit out of whoever did it, and i’d do anything to keep him from getting hurt again.” Castiel turned his head down and Dean reached to hold his hand “Its because he’s my brother and I love him Cas. Same with Gabriel. He’s your brother and he’s a little overprotective, but he does what he does because he loves you. Your whole family will do what they do because they love you. Even if it wasn't the best game plan, they only wanna help, so why don't you let them?” he saw Castiel shaking a little and pulled him closer. He heard the door behind him opera and Castiel wiped his eyes and looked up.

“Oh, hello Jimmy. How’s Amelia?” Dean turned around. His eyes widened a little at the sight of Castiel’s exact double. He had been told multiple times about Jimmy, but he never got the chance to meet him. This manny blue eyes in the room was getting Dean dizzy.

“She’s fine, resting at home. How are you? Better now I hope?…And this must be Dean Winchester. Castiel’s told me a lot about you. Its nice to finally meet you.” He said smiling and extending his hand. Dean shook it unable to stop comparing the similarities between the two’s features. There were so many similarities. Too manny. They were really twins. Dean hadn't met to manny twins in his time, the ones he had met were either opposite genders, or looked nothing alike. In a way, he felt like he was being messed with. “The Doctors going to come in soon to check vitals. She asked that you clear out and give Cas some privacy. I’m going down to see mom, I should be back by the time she's done.”

“Ok, why not take Dean with you? I’d like him to meet mom, even if its not easy for her to meet him.” Castiel looked a bit sad, but happy again when Jimmy agreed to take him down to the floor their mom was being kept.

* * *

 

“Cas really likes you, he talks about you all the time.” Jimmy said as they rode the elevator. “He says your the best at fixing cars. And you also love pie.” he laughed. Dean was happy that Cas talked about him so much, and that he had so many good things to say about him.

“He talks about you too. He’s really excited about becoming an uncle, congrats by the way. I hear its a girl?” Jimmy looked so proud at the mention of his future child. His chest puffed up a little and he was grinning ear to ear.

“Yep! And the doctor said she's coming along great.” The elevator stopped and they got out on the last floor. As they walked, Jimmy had become silent. “I hope I never become my mother.” he said suddenly. “I mean I love my mom and everything, but we were homeless, she would be gone for days without giving us any sign of where she was or when she’d be back. She would spend money we could have used for shelter on things like drugs or alcohol. She tried to give us all she could and be a good mother, but the time she didn't come back…” they stopped walking. Dean wasn't sure why he was being told this. Shouldn't he be telling Cas this? Nurses walked hurriedly past and Dean noticed they were looking into a room where a woman was sitting on a bed flicking her thumb and middle finger together over and over. Jimmy looked to him, a sad smile on his face “Say hi to mom.” He looked back into the room, the woman was thin and the hospital gown looked like it would slip off her any second. “Castiel loves mom. He would do anything for her, but theres not much he can do right now. He practically idolizes her. I don't wanna know what he would say to me if I told him any of what I told you. He doesn't idolize anyone except for her and refuses to believe that she left us on purpose.” 

Dean was beginning to understand. “It takes a lot for Cas to trust someone. You probably already know that. But doesn't that mean it would be really easy for him to stop trusting someone? If Cas still trusts your mom after all this time, have you ever thought as to why? Maybe he see’s something in her thats worth trusting?”

Jimmy stared at his shoes giving a thoughtful look, as if he was pondering the slightest possibility that Dean was right, that he shouldn't be so quick to judge his mother. When he looked up, he froze. His mom was staring at him, head cocked to one side the way Cas would do when he tried to understand something. She was still flicking her fingers, but she seemed to be deep into studying Jimmy. Trying to understand something about him. He suddenly felt uncomfortable under her gaze. “Lets go. The nurses should be finished by now, and we wanna beat the family crowd.” 

"Your gonna be a great dad. Don't sweat it." Dean tried to reassure him. Dean smiled as he followed. The thought of seeing Cas get better made him happy.But what bout seeing the Novak family? Cas has been telling them nothing but good things about him. What if he fucked it up in some way? What if he wasn't what Cas was expecting? Was he giving Castiel too high of expectations? Damn now he was thinking too much. He’d feel better when he saw Cas. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i don't post as often as i should, thanks for staying with me this far!!!!!!!!!!


	19. Then you can start to make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy and Dean have a lil talk, Gabriel gets the feels.

Dean entered the hallway where Castiel was being kept, upon entering he and Jimmy noticed that only a few members of the Novak family were waiting in the hallway and that Castiel's door was closed. Everyone seemed to be in hushed, satisfied gossip. Gabriel and Sam saw them from the end of the crowd and began to walk over. “Doctor made up her mind, said Cas just needs to get dressed and he can go. Wanna get something to eat?” Gabriel said looking to Sam, Dean, and Jimmy.

“Sounds good, should we let Cas pick?” Jimmy asked and everyone seemed to agree it would only be right if Castiel picked. They heard a small creak and turned around, Castiel was walking out of the room. He saw Gabriel Jimmy Sam and Dean at the end of the hall and gave a smile before being surrounded by his family as one by one they crowded him, wished him well and said goodbye. Then made his way to his brothers and friends.

“Hello everyone, hello dean. Im ready to go now.” he said not wanting to be in the hospital any longer than he had to. Jimmy spoke first.

“We were thinking about getting some food, what do you want?” He asked, and wondering if his brother was even hungry to begin with. But sat the mention of food, Castiel beamed, having not eaten all morning.

“That sounds great Jimmy, I'm starving! I’ll eat what everyone else is eating.”  
Gabriel took a quick glance at everyone and said,

“Ok, Chinese it is! Lets go guys! Sammy, your riding with me!”He grabbed Sam’s hand and strode off leaving Cas, Jimmy and Dean behind.

“I saw a restaurant down the street, I think were going there. Are we all riding in the same car or…?” Dean asked leaving his question open.

“I can take my car, you and Castiel Can go in the same car” Jimmy said. Just as he was about to walk out, Gabriel came back with Sam looking embarrassed.

“I didn't take my car, I took the ambulance with Cas…” Sam tried not to laugh “Guess I'm riding with Dean-o here, what about you?” he asked looking to Jimmy.

“Well the Impalas gonna get cramped with all five of us, I could ride with Jimmy and the three of you could go together?” Castiel suggested, all agreed on this decision, and made their way to the parking lot. When they heard the elevator, Gabriel recognized a man standing by the call button. Cas and Jimmy seemed to notice too. He didn't know much about him, or how no ones come to question him about standing there, most likely all day. He probably wasn't alone. Lucifer never sends his boys down alone. The man saw them coming, pushed the button for them, and stepped aside as the doors opened and they stepped in. Gabriel, Jimmy both gave him a small nod of thanks and Sam and Dean didn't seam to notice as they were talking about how Gabriel better not put his feet on the dashboard or the upholstery.

Castiel, very well knowing the reason Lucifer sent his guard, was reminded of the reason he was in the hospital to begin with. He couldn't look up to acknowledge the guard, he only gave a small shudder when the elevator door closed. Just being in the hospital that was spoken about that morning, the same hospital that he was in, made him feel very, very close to danger. The sooner he got out the better. Feeling to distant, to vulnerable, he huddled close to the nearest person to him. Jimmy put his arm around his brother’s shoulder knowing very well what he was thinking. “We’ll be out soon.” He said reassuringly enough that Castiel relaxed his shoulders a bit, quiet enough so that only Cas herd him. The elevator does opened, they passed two other familiar men, one followed Castiel and Jimmy, the other followed Sam, Dean, and Gabriel. Both stayed no more than ten feet behind them. Again, Sam and Dean didn't seem to notice. They only left when both groups got safely into their cars.

 

* * *

When they got to the restaurant, Gabriel began to wonder if it would be better if Cas was living with Lucifer instead of him. It would have been safer, thats for damn sure. And Cas would have a bigger room, he could have his own music school where he would have real pianos for his students instead of the practice keys and shitty electric keyboards the college provided. Lucifer was basically loaded, he could give Cas anything. Above all reasons Gabriel could think of, one kept pushing its way forward in his mind, that Cas would be safe, and he would know he was safe, that he wouldn't have had to go to the hospital today had he known he was safe.

He excused himself from the table and went to the bathroom. It was more than likely that Lucifer would agree with Gabriel, that he would let Cas stay with him for as long as he needed. But what would Cas say? He would never admit it to anyone, but he would always feel abandoned by his mother, that no matter what anyone said, he would feel as if he weren't wanted in some way. By his mother, by Alastair, so how would he react to Gabriel, someone he trusted all these years, someone he has confided in after something so awful happened to him, tells him that he cant take care of him anymore? That he should go make a home with someone else? He would obviously feel that he's being abandoned again.

He knows the overdose on painkillers was no accident. And he knows that if he gives Castiel enough reason, he would do it again. How could he live with himself if his little brother tried to overdose again because of him? He saw Castiel go from the terrified little boy in the snow, to his brother, to such a talented musician it could make angels cry, to an outgoing and rebellious teen, to an abused boyfriend, to stolen, to returned, to near death twice, to a teacher, and finally, to being with a guy that actually deserves him and makes him happy. And its all going in the toilet because of fucking Alastair. Again. Now alone in the bathroom he put his sleeve in his mouth, bit down, and screamed.

This was one of a few times Gabriel had actually screamed. The first was seeing Castiel cry because Alastair had called him a whore. The second was when he found a fat, swollen bruise on Castiel’s shoulder and he refused to admit it was Alastair and he refused to stop seeing him. The third was when Castiel called late one night, his voice broken hoarse and fearful over the phone, saying he was leaving Alastair and asked if he could stay over, but he never came. He called the police and when they came back saying the apartment had been abandoned, that there was no sign of Castiel but there was a lot of dried blood, and when the DNA test came back positive, he screamed.

Over and over he screamed for the next three years. Wishing, praying that he could turn back time, so he could save Castiel from whatever was being done to him. Begging and trying to make deals so that, whoever he was praying to, would bring Castiel back to him and his family, so he could protect him the way he should have all those years ago, when Castiel first met the demon who had caused him so much hell. And when the call came late one night, that Castiel had been found, he was the first at the hospital, and he saw his little brother nearly unrecognizable beneath the scars, bruises and all to visible bones, he swore that he would protect him this time. That he wouldn't have to worry about a thing because this time, he would keep him safe. But even then, Castiel would try to take his own life. Even then Alastair would escape prison and, without even touching him, still manage to tear his world apart all over again.

And now he's screaming again. Because he knows he cant protect Cas. Because he knows Cas will feel abandoned again if he gives him up. Because he knows what Cas will do if he does. Because he knows what Alastair will do if Cas doesn't move out. He knows that if he does or doesn't give Cas up, either way he will have to plan a funeral. He knows all these things, but he doesn't know what to do. He cant ask Cas what he wants to do, because even asking the question would make him feel abandoned. Would Cas even want to talk to him after trying to hide the fact that Alastair's back? Lucifer usually would have the best ideas in a situation where Gabriel himself couldn't come up with a good answer. He decides to call him.

“Hello?” Lucifer sounds collected. He probably called at a bad time. The collected voice usually means he’s busy.

“Hey…can we talk?” Gabriel asked in the voice that was meant to sound apologetic.

“Oh, hey Gabe. Whats up?” Lucifer’s voice went back to sounding almost normal. “Hows Cas?” Gabriel would have said Cas is fine, he would have asked how Lucifer’s work was going, he would have apologized for calling when he was obviously busy. Instead, his mouth opened, his voice cracked, and he cried. All that was worrying him, all his thoughts from years ago to the present state he was in. It all came rushing out in a whirlwind of emotion that he normally would swear never happened. And Lucifer listened. And when he finished, he calmed down as much as possible so he could hear what Lucifer said.

“I think you should talk to Cas. In the end, the decision is going to affect him. Its only right he gets to pick where he wants to go. He may still be fragile but don't you think he’s gotten a little bit better since that Winchester kid came in? I doubt he’ll feel abandoned again. If he doesn't want to live with me, and I know he won’t, then I can send some guys over to watch his back for the both of you when he’s by himself. If he does choose to live with me, then its not the end of the world. He still goes to work, still see’s you and his boyfriend, still gets better. Either way, the decision is up to him.”

* * *

In the end, Gabriel decided to ask Castiel how he felt. When they hung up, Lucifer continued working and tracking Alastair. He worked harder than he had before Gabriel called. Not because he had slow down. But because it had bothered him when his brother had started crying. He knew Gabriel had always loved his daily, and when they lost Castiel it hurt Gabriel most of all. Hearing Gabriel cry over the phone bothered him because out of all his siblings, he considered Gabriel to be the strongest. And now there were officially a million reasons why he had to catch Alastair. Preferably before the police could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus I'm sorry this chapter took so long, i honestly didn't know how to start it off. Im trying to get chapters done so i can post regularly, but i didn't think it would take this long. More coming out as soon as i can. Originally this was supposed to go through half the song for the chapters (if that makes sense) but details happened and i wanted to upload....so...yeah...


	20. Remember to let her under your skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Gabe have a talk

Castiel could have yelled at Gabriel. He could have cried, kicked him, cussed him out, or even killed him for the mere idea that he didn't feel safe with Gabriel. But when he wanted to give some sort of response, he couldn't do more than let his mouth fall open. What was he supposed to say? He was left speechless, and he couldn't cry because he had cried enough before being taken to the hospital. It was just a question, it wasn't as if he was being forced out… was he? Had he become so much of a burden to his brother that Gabriel now wanted him out of the house?

“Do you hate me now?” was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Gabriel, sitting next to him at the table, looked stunned. Almost hurt at the question. Now what? Was he too high maintenance for even his brother? Is that why Gabriel wanted him out?…Well could he blame him? He had shown nothing but spite when Gabe tried to keep him from Alastair in the first place. When he came back, Gabe had been stuck with the burden of looking after Cas, through all those sleepless nights and waking up screaming, taking him to his therapist, over and over for the past what? Nearly two years? It had to get old eventually right? To his surprise, Gabriel put his hand on top of Castiel's folded ones.

“Cas, no. Would you stop thinking like that?” Gabriel said, a pleading look in his eyes. “I love you. Everyone in our family loves you. You know that. Don't start thinking that I don't want you here, because I do Cas. I want you here far more than you know.” Castiel looked down at his lap. “No look at me Cas.” Gabriel said, pulling Castiel’s face upwards. “I know that your scared right now. Im scared too, we all are. But we’re scared for you! We know what that fucking monster did the last time he got his disgusting claws on you, and we don’t know what we would do if it happened again. We don’t want to know what he would do to you if he caught you. You didn't see dad or Jimmy when we lost you last time… they were broken Cas. They practically cried every day. When we found you, I was more than happy to look after you. The doctors said you might never recover, that you would most likely need care for the rest of your life and I was more than willing to give you that care if it meant that you were here with us alive and well. Im still overjoyed to have you here, but only if you feel safe here. If you don’t, if you think you would be safer with Lucifer, then I wont stop you. You could still come by and see me if you wanted. Its your choice Cas.”

Castiel let his head fall. Gabriel came closer and held him tight. Yes he would be safer at Lucifers. Lucifer was always kind to him, even if his work was a bit questionable. He could be safe and not worry…He would be safer there but… “I know i would be safer there…but I want to stay here with you…” It was a whisper that Gabriel nearly didn't hear, but he heard him.

“Alright then. I’ll call Lucy and let him know, alright?” He would have gotten up, but was so relieved that Cas still felt safe living with him, he wanted to hold him just a bit longer. Castiel could feel the tears welling up in his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall. He refused. This discussion he had with Gabriel had made him realize that he had been entirely reliant on others for comfort. And while Gabriel had been completely fine with being the shoulder to cry on, Castiel found himself wanting to, now more than ever, not having to need a shoulder there. It wouldn't be easy, obviously. No one could possibly just step out of their comfort zone to pursue some form of happiness like a character in a story… but that wouldn't stop him from trying. It was no longer about being less of a burden to those around him anymore. It was about giving Gabriel peace of mind, knowing that whatever troubles came over Castiel, no matter who or how hard someone tried to tear him down, he would be ok.

* * *

 

Once the message was given to Lucifer of Castiel’s decision to stay with Gabriel, he set up an official schedule for his guards to look after Cas. One would follow him around from a safe distance in the morning, while another would do the same in the evening. His dates with Dean were carefully monitored, and the same went for the house he shared with Gabriel. Every day a detailed report of who went by and for what reason would be sent to Lucifer. In most reports it was noted that a man wearing a hooded jacket would jog by the house every morning, and after one specific night where a hooded figure was seen sneaking around the bushes near Castiel’s window and chased off, he was not seen again. This went by for eight weeks and they were no closer to catching Alastair than before.

On a saturday night after a long week of work, Castiel went with Dean out of town for a much needed date. They had already been to every bar and restaurant in town, and since they had personal security following them, they figured it would be safe enough to try a new place in a nearby city.

“It’s supposed to be really classy. Dress code and everything!” Dean said excitedly, ready to show Castiel just how sophisticated he could be when the time called for it. “They had a months waiting list but I had them call just in case someone canceled. Lucky us right?” he grinned like a cheshire cat waggling his eyebrows at his slightly embarrassed boyfriend.

“While I'm sure this will be a lovely evening Dean,” said Castiel, who was not excited at all and most definitely not wiggling in his seat “are you sure I'm not overdressed? Not that I'm complaining, I mean I understand there is a dress code that we must follow, but…are bow ties, and standard ties really part of the dress code?” He said glancing down at himself. Deans grin got even wider.

“Yep. Look it up on the website if you don't believe me, but either way i think you should wear one. You look so cute in it after all!” He laughed as Castiel quickly covered his face with the small wine menu. It may have blocked his face, but it didn't do a very good job of hiding his red ears from a very amused Deans view. Dean glanced out of the window to his side to check on the guards car. Since they had only been lucky in getting reservations at the fine establishment, the guards had to wait outside and look out for suspicious activity. Dean felt a little guilty for having them wait outside….maybe he would order them something later.

“Hello and good evening! What can I get for you and your friend tonight?” Asked a waiter, looking between him and Cas. “Ah, the special tonight is the roast beef stew, and the wine of the week is Merlot.” He Said while noting Castiel’s face buried deep in the wine menu.

“Thanks but tonights a little more special. My boyfriend and I are celebrating about nine months of going strong, is there anything on the menu right now thats a little more celebratory?” Dean asked. The waiter made a slight wince as soon as the word boyfriend left his mouth. Not the kind of wince that meant ‘Oh no, two males together? What is a waiter to do, o woe is me!’ it was more of a wince that said ‘Of course they're dating, how could I possibly misread this situation?’ and Dean was fine with that.

“In that case sir, we do have a Terra d’ Oro Deaver. It is a bit more expensive, but it does have the right celebratory feel to it.” After Dean ordered the wine and steak, and Castiel ordered his seafood plater, they went into a long conversation about their week and family matters.

“And this guy swears that I was trying to rip him off! Just to get some kinda apology discount on his broken windshield.” They continue on only to pause to anjou their meal.

“Hey Dean, I think this restaurant is lacking in its dress code policy, most of the men here aren't wearing bow ties or neck ties…” Castiel noted as he glanced at the other customers at the restaurant. As Dean began to snicker, he felt the pieces fall into place. “There is no neck wear code is there?” he asked as Dean took a conveniently timed sip of wine. Still giggling. Castiel felt his face heat up a bit as he remembered Deans earlier comment. “Did you mean it?” he asked shyly.

“Mean what?” Dean asked after he calmed down a bit. “I mean there is a dress code, but there isn't really a must do rule for neck wear…” Castiel shook his head still looking down at his food.

“I meant about what you said earlier.” he said, Dean still looking lost. When he didn't respond, he had to emphasize. “A-about the bow tie…how it m-made me look c…cute…” he said quietly trailing his question, his head looking even further down than it had before as he refuse to meet Deans eyes.

Realization dawning on him, Dean immediately says “Cas babe, of course I meant it. Even without the bow tie, your beyond beautiful. Honestly its hard to believe that someone as beautiful as you exists. Your an angel Cas.”

Dean often forgets…or rather, he tries not to remember how Castiel was treated in his last relationship. Verbal and physical abuse often left their scars, and for Cas, it did far more than that. When Dean did remember, at moments like these, he wanted to hurt Alastair, and make him into the ugly thing he always described Cas as. He wanted him to hurt the way he had made Castiel hurt. But now was not the time to think of what revenge would feel like, right now was a good time to break whatever programing Alastair had worked into Castiel’s head.

“You couldn't possibly mean that…not with all these scars…” Castiel said quietly, absently running a finger across his wrist, where Dean knew a thick scar was. Even with the coat sleeve hiding it. He could hear Castiel’s voice breaking. That heartbreaking sound when someone was about to cry. Dean slid over onto Castiel’s side as fast as he could, wrapping his arm around him and pulling him close. Cas slowly leaning into Deans chest and burying his face there, trying to hide it.

“I mean every word Cas. I don't care how manny scars you have, I don’t care what anyone else said. Look at me Cas.” he gently brought Castiel’s teary face up to look at him “I think your beautiful. I don’t care about scars, everybody’s got scars. And I don’t care who said you aren't beautiful. Screw them, they wouldn't know an angel if it grabbed them and left a mark.” Castiel gave a small laugh at that. “…I know you’ve been through a lot, and I know you wont get over anything overnight…but I need you to believe me on two things alright? One, you are a beautiful and incredible person that whoever meets you, is beyond privileged. Two, I wont let anything happen to you. I wont let anyone hurt you again. Ok?”

Castiel gave a small “Ok” before ducking back into Dean’s chest silently crying and shaking. Dean rubbed soothing circles on his back, letting him cry all he needed. They didn't see it, but two tables and their waiter had begun to sniffle a bit as well. 

When Castiel had calmed down enough, Dean said “Why don't you go to the bathroom and wash up, and i’ll get us some pie?” Castiel nodded, and got up as Dean called a watery eyed waiter over for the dessert menu. 

* * *

 

Outside, in the car, the guards spotted a suspicious hooded figure lurking around. One went out to investigate, only to have to chase down whoever the person was. The other guard, after texting Lucifer, soon followed. Two blocks down both guards lost the person. They were brought down by a taser, and soon after, a knife. The person called out to another. As the other hooded person came out of the shadows, breathing heavily after his labored run, he was handed a large sum of money in an old backpack. After he caught his breath, he walked away not to be seen again. Satisfied with his work, the second person made his way gleefully back to the restaurant. His prize was all alone in a bathroom, just for him.

* * *

 

Castiel was in the bathroom, after using one of the toilets, he went to the sink to wash his hands and his face. The restroom attendant offered him a towel, witch Castiel accepted. “You alright there?” the attendant asked “A few of us seen you with that man at the table, seen you crying. We can kick him out and call you a cab if you need it?” he was being cautious with his words, as if he didn't want to startle Castiel into crying again.

“No, he’s my boyfriend, and he's helping me through a tough time is all. Thank you for your concern though.” Castiel said, smiling not only at the stranger’s kindness, but at the word ‘boyfriend’. Dean is his boyfriend. A boyfriend he didn't feel he deserved, but he promised Dean and Gabriel he would stop thinking like that.

“Alright, well if you need anything, go to the front desk. Im going off on break right now so I won't be able to keep chatting or they’ll write me up for trying to get overtime.” said the attendant as he got up and went through the door. Castiel waved a quick goodbye and turned back to the mirror. His face was still a bit red, but that would clear up soon enough. He put the towel in the basket at the end of the sink, and almost walked out of the bathroom when he remembered that he had put his wallet on a tray in the stall, so he turned and walked back to retrieve it. His pants pockets were small and simply undoing his belt would have caused the thing to fall onto the floor. He heard the bathroom door open and wanted to hurry out before another question of ‘are you ok?’ came out of whoever walked in. When he turned around, he slammed face first into the chest of the man who had walked into his stall.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I-” Castiel said trying to get around this man. He looked up to face whoever he ran into and froze. A flood of twisted and bloody memories came over him and he would have screamed had it not been for the sudden hand on his mouth.

“Damn right your sorry. Did you really think you could get away from me?” Alastair said as he spun Castiel down, twisting his ankle and slammed him headfirst onto the bathroom floor, knocking him out. Alastair threw him over his shoulder and silently made his way to the back of the restaurant undetected. He tossed Castiel into the back of the guards car, pulled out the stollen keys, and drove off into the night. It wasn't until later, a concerned Dean Winchester who had seen the guards drive off, assuming they went to either change shifts or get some grub, went into the bathroom, only to find it empty. When a restroom attendant returned and denied seeing Castiel leave the bathroom, this concerned Dean turned into a panicked one very very quickly. He went back to the window to see if the guards were still gone, and seeing that they were, called Gabriel, who then called Lucifer. A soon to be very pissed off Lucifer.


	21. Then You Can Start to Make it Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well shit...

Castiel woke in a dark room a bit delerious. It was cold and damp. He wondered how he had gotten there. It all hit him like a tub of ice when he heard a familiar voice that reminded him of a snake (if snakes could talk of course) 

"Well well well.... if it isnt my favorite toy. Finally woke up sweetheart?" Alastair said as he stepped closer. Castiel tried to back away but couldnt. The more he woke, the more he noticed. He was tied to a chair, completely imobile. There was a faint throbbing in his right temple and he also noticed he had been stripped down to his boxers. The small light hanging from the celing only lit up the back of the room where he had been tied. The more he panicked, the more he struggled. The more he struggled, the tighter his bindings got. Alastair waited, taking a twisted sort of ammusement in his struggle.

"Please..." Cas wimpered after ten minutes of struggling and giving up. "Let me go... i want to go home..." Alastair frowned. He didnt like that. Castiel was his and always would be.

"To who? Dean? Listen to me you little bitch and listen good" he got closer and grabed cas by the hair, forcing him to face Alastair "You've been here for seventeen hours. No one is looking for you. Not your fake brothers, not your fake boyfriend, not your fake father or crazy mother. Hell, your real brother does'nt even know your gone. Even if he did he wouldnt care. No one misses you. Your lucky im even here. That fucker was going to screw you and break your heart." He threw Castiel by the hair onto the floor before walking into the darker part of the room, leaving him in a painful and uncomfortable position while still in the chair. "All im going to do is break your arm, wich is being far more generouse than you deserve after what you did to me."

As Alastair walked back into the light, Castiel could just barely see the large mallot in his hand. His eyes went wide as he began to beg again, but Alastair kept talking.

"Dont worry, i'll make it quick. And to prove how right I was in taking you away from that self centered fag, i'll even send him a few post cards to show him what hes missing." Castiel could only struggle against the bindings as Alastair came closer with a wide sick grin.

__________________________________

"I TOLD YOU HE WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND NOW HE'S GONE! YOUR GUARDS WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM!" Dean was in full panick mode when Lucifer showed up. Finally. He knew he should calm down but he couldnt. He had tried calling cas for an hour and looking around outside. He asked everyone he came across if they had seen him. When every response was negative he called Gabe. Who called Lucifer. Who called the guards. Who were found dead. Lucifer got a look at the cameras from the resteraunt and only found a man carrying a verry large crate away from the back door through the kitchen. When he asked the staff, they had said he wasnt the normal supplier, as that person would have been there around noon. Lucifer was livid. Especially now that it had been nearly 24 hours and still no sign of Cas. 

Everyone was worried and gathered at Chucks. Gabriel was standing close to Jimmy and Chuck was pacing around the house. Sam was trying to calm Dean down, Bobby wanted to hit something and the wall was looking quite nice at the moment. Benny and Jodey were talking to Lucifer about what he wanted done. 

They heard the mail go through Chucks door and Crowley, who got there as soon as they called said "Lucifer, you should come see something..."

Lucifer had no patience as he stomped over to Crowley. "What?" Crowley handed him a stack of loose photos that cause Lucifer to yell "GET THAT FUCKING MAILMAN BACK HERE!!!" There was no hesitation from Benny. Dean ran over to see what had Lucifer so pissed. Lucifer shoved the photos in Deans chest and what he saw made his blood run cold. 

Twenty photos. All of them had Cas. One of him working, one of him driving, a whole bunch of him and Gabe or him and Dean. Fuck there was even two where Cas was sleeping in his bed. They looked like they were taken from inside his room. Then there was the last one. Dean wasnt sure if he should cry or scream bloody murder or both. The last one was of Cas tied in a chair, completely covered in blood and bruises. From the picture alone, you could tell his right arm and left leg were broken in more than one place. His eyes looked so swollen amd puffy, and he was sure it was because of the black eyes and because he was crying. He looked exausted. On the tape covering his mouth, in black marker was a message. 

"Goodbye Dean"


	22. Hey Jude.....(PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION FOR THIS CHAPTER)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... i might have lied.... maybe one character dies in this... ill try to wrap this up before the year is out.   
> ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS GOING TO BE GRAPHIC, SO IF BLOOD AND GORE IS A BIG NO NO FOR YOU IGNORE THE ITALICS. That said, please enjoy... as much as you can i guess...

**_(PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION FOR THIS CHAPTER)_ **

_Its freezing. Its cramped. He's not sure how long he spent in there, but his skin has been burning for some time. His mouth is covered in tape so he lets out another whimper and a harsh bang comes from outside. "SHUT THE FUCK UP."_ _He's not sure what he did this time, but it had earned him another visit to the freezer. Last time he thought he had stayed in for two hours. Castiel wasn't sure how long it would take this time. There were low voices coming from outside, one he knew to be from the man sitting on top of the freezer, the other he prayed was Alastair about to let him out. He could hear movement and suddenly there was a dim light. "We had to refund his money because of you." Alastair said, Castiel could only shake in response. It was so cold. "First degree frost bit, bordering on second. Get him to the table." Cas began to struggle against the duct tape. He had already been to the table twice before, and it was never for his benefit. "Next time if the customer wants a blow job, you better not pass out. I don't care how hungry you are." Alastair said as he pinned Castiel to the table. "Theres a nice man offering to buy your gallbladder for ten times what the blow job cost us. But he wants to check it before he buys it. Better not fuck this up too." He had tied the last of the belts over Cas and signaled for the guards to let the man in. Alastair reached behind Cas's peripheral vision and came back with a long thin knife. Castiel struggled again giving cries and whimpers around the tape over his mouth. Alastair hits him in the jaw over and over until he stops moving, but he continues to cry. There is no alcohol or drug before the incision. The knife is cold and harsh against his skin, and the cut is slow and dragged out. The Guard comes over to hold Castiel's torso still as he continues to scream and cry. Finally he feels the knife stop and something entering and stretching the cut. 'It burns...oh god it hurts' He could feel the hand moving around and search for the gallbladder, until finally it wraps around something and pulls it out. Castiel begins to feel light headed, theres dark spots at the edge of his vision. He hears Alastair strike up a conversation with the customer, as easy as a talk about the weather. "Its good quality for the price" Says the customer "Im eatin' good tonight!" "Yes, I recommend stuffing it with rosemary. It always tastes better when baked." Alastair replied as he picked up the knife again and began severing the organ. Castiel screams as his vision goes black._

He wakes up with his wrists cuffed to his ankles and tape still over his mouth. His muscles are stiff from his position on the floor, he's sweating and his broken limbs are practically on fire. He realizes he's crying, and for a moment wonders where Gabriel is. The sound of footsteps makes him alert. The doorknob is unlocked and in walks Alastair looking as bored as ever. "Crying again? You're such a pathetic bitch I almost could feel sorry for you. So much whining and complaining. 'I wanna go home Alastair! I miss my family Alastair! Please, It hurts Alastair!' Its like all you do is bitch and moan. Sometimes I wonder why people even paid for your ass." He reached down and grabbed Cas by his hair, then pulled him up to his face. "I mean its not like you're worth anything. No one misses you. I gave them pictures and no ones even offers to put you in the paper. I guess they're glad to be rid of you. Just goes to show I'm the only one to give you a second thought." He begins to drag Castiel by the hair into the room he entered from. This room also had no windows but it did have a staircase at the end. They were in a basement. "I took your psychiatric records so I know how you've been thinking your better than you are. Don't worry, I'll fix that too. I even made you a table, just like the old one." Alastair stopped dragging Cas, picked him up, and dropped him harshly on a frail and splintering wooden table. Castiel was in pain and didn't notice until he was being tied down again that Alastair had unlocked the cuffs. Even his broken arm and leg were tied down painfully tight. "Stop screaming, it'll only make things harder. I want to get the measurements just right." He could feel his arm and leg swelling again. 

* * *

Lucifer was not happy. The mailman was not much help. He said he only got his deliveries for the day a few hours ago from the post office in town. On main street. That meant he had to hack into the city's street cameras for main street, and follow any cars that had Alastair in them. The problem was the hacking, and the fact that when everything was recorded, it was dark so the drivers were hard to see. Even if they were in the light of the post office window the cameras were facing the opposite way from the dropbox. Did he mention he wasn't happy? Luckily his siblings and father kept him nice and distracted from his amazing brother saving attempts. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANT ZOOM IN? JUST PUSH THE FUCKIN BUTTON!" Gabriel was super helpful...

"NO DUMB ASS MAKE THE PICTURE MORE CLEAR!" Thanks dad...

"I CANT SEE! LET ME DO IT! I KNOW WHAT IM DOING UNLIKE YOU!" Fucking fuck off Michael....

It had been like this for a solid hour. No one was shutting up. It would be so much easier if he could get into the post offices personal cameras, but federal office meant federal cameras. They weren't controlled by the city. He would need a professional hacker. A professional hacker he didn't have time to find. He would also really really love... some fucking... "QUIET! GOD DAMN JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT! UNLESS ONE OF YOU IS A PROFESSIONAL HACKER GET THE FUCK OUT!" here he glared daggers at Michael. Lil fucker thinks he knows shit. Fuck. Off. 

Suddenly, Gabriel perked up. "Wait. How professional?"

* * *

 

Charlie was getting ready for her monthly The Walking Dead party she held for her close friends. They would take turns hosting for each new episode and tonight she had her famous gooey brains cupcakes ready (Not as bad as they sounded, thank you very much) Suddenly she became aware of a really loud car outside of her apartment. Was it a drag race? WAS SHE MISSING A DRAG RACE? She ran to her terrace and saw a few blocks down, what looked like a big black car speeding down towards her building. "Well whoever it is, they're definitely winning." The closer it got, the more she realized that it wasn't a race. The person was just speeding. "Good taste in cars though." She said turning to go back inside "Love me a Chevy."

* * *

"OH MY GOD YOU COULD'VE KILLED US" Gabriel screamed. They had just gotten back from practically breaking into Charlie's apartment and kidnapping her. They had explained the situation to her on the way. 

"Could've but didn't. Charlie, everyones upstairs. Just follow whatever sounds like a fighting arena." She nodded and sprinted into the house. Dean went tho the back of his car and opened up the trunk. "Gabe, come here and help me load this" Gabriel was still swaying from the beyond suicidal car ride with Dean. Luckily, Lucifer called the police department ahead of time to keep them away. 

"Load what? OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU NOT IN JAIL?" He yelled. In the trunk, there was an onslaught of guns and knives and shovels and...was that a bazooka? No...no there was no way...he was just dizzy and needed some sugar. Yeah. Thats it.

"Im not in jail because its all registered. Just not in my name. My dad was in the Military for a while, the car and the weapon are all he left us." Dean said as he tossed Gabriel some shells to load "Looks like its all finally gonna get some use." Sam picked that moment to come outside with some twizzlers. He traded Gabriel's gun for the candy and told him to sit down while he loaded. 

"Maybe you should wait for Lucifer to tell us where to go first? And maybe not load guns in public?" Sam said as he finished and put it back in the trunk. He made Dean look at him "I know your pissed and worried, but you need to think clearly before you do anything stupid. If you're in jail, whose gonna be there for Cas when we get him back?" Dean knew it was hopeless to argue with Sam. When things were fucking up and everyone else was in a panic Sam was always the clear thinker. Its why Sam was still in college.

"And besides, we probably need more than one stupid driver to lead us into battle. Also Sam? How are you not dead with the way he drives? He almost killed us with every turn. I could barely give directions I was so scared!" he stuck out his arms in a very 'I need hugs' kind of way and Sam obliged. Dean laughed a little and finished loading the gun he had. 

"How do you think he got to school on time almost every day for four years straight?" Dean asked.

"Almost every day?"

"He had self pity days."

"I WAS SICK YOU JERK!"

"Shhh...Hear that? The call of the wild Bitch."

It was an hour later that Charlie was able to find Alastair's car, follow it down main street and watch as it lead to Either Mt Calvary's Cemetery or Westlawn Cemetery. Either way, a psychopaths car going to a cemetery wasn't good. Ever. So Dean and sam of course were the first ones off while literally everyone else sat at the Novak house and waited for the rest of Lucifers battle plan. "If all of us go at once he'll know somethings up. We can't risk that when Castiel's life is at risk. We need to make him feel secure." Lucifer had said. So they took all the side streets not stopping for any signs and only slowed down for a few pedestrians and a cat. The search took so long it was already getting dark, maybe an hour of sunlight left. And it looked like it was gonna rain. Great.

* * *

The more he struggled, the tighter the ropes got. The tighter the ropes got, the more painful it was on his arm and leg. Soon it was too painful and he couldn't move anymore. When Alastair came in the room, he was so tired and hungry he could only stare at him weakly. "Don't look at me like that." Alastair said as he put down some old wooden planks. When he looked back up, castiel was still staring, but more fearfully. "I said" he came closer and got on top of Cas "DONT! LOOK! AT! ME! LIKE! THAT!" he yelled each time he struck Castiel's face and right eye. "All you had to do was listen to me and do exactly as I say." He got up and left to the back room "Every day with you was a pain in my ass but I still let you live with me. Even when your family wanted us apart and I came back for you, you still disrespect me. You still pretend your better than dirt." He came back in the room with a pair of rusted scissors. Castiel didn't break eye contact with them. He couldn't. Even when he began to shake "Im going to do whatever it takes for you to learn your place all over again." Alastair raised the scissors and drove them into his right arm. Then he did it again and again and again. Castiel tried to pull away but his arm was still in pain from his earlier struggle, this just made it worse. He screamed and hot tears fell down his face as the scissors dug deep into the broken appendage. Finally Alastair stopped, and ripped off the tape from Castiel's mouth. He stood silently, waiting for him to speak. And for a while all Castiel could do was sob.

Everything hurt, and he was so weak and helpless he felt pathetic. Alastair was right. No one could ever really care for someone so worthless. Not Gabriel. Not Charlie. Not Lucifer. Not Jimmy. God not even his own mother. How delusional was he that he would even dare to believe that anybody could care for someone as insignificant as him? No one was here to save him. No on one was looking for him. No one cared if societies deadweight went missing and never came back. Everything everyone had ever said was just pretty words, so they could get him to stop crying and get on with their lives. Alastair was right. No one was coming.

"Are you done yet?" His tone was dull and he loosened the bindings on Castiel. It didn't matter to him though. He was hurt and couldn't get far either way. "Id like to get this over with. You still have a lesson to learn." With that he began building something on the ground. He was done after a few minutes and took whatever he had made with the wood outside. Then he came back inside and untied Castiel. He picked him up, threw him over his shoulders, and went up the stairs and outside. It wasn't until they were outside that Castiel grew fearful. He struggled as best he could and Alastair finally dropped him. As Cas looked around his fears were confirmed. A cemetery. Alastair wasn't liking his struggling though. He flipped him over onto his back and held his head down while his free hand bashed him in the stomach twelve times. Then he lifted him again and continued walking as if nothing had happened. A few minutes later Alastair finally stopped. "This is where you get off" He said before he dropped Castiel into a hole. 

Castiel's stomach dropped and a second later he landed with a backbreaking thud. He opened his eyes and saw that he was in a wooden box deep in the ground. He was in his own grave. He tried to sit up but Alastair had thrown the lid over the coffin, colliding with his head knocking him unconscious. When he woke up, it was dark. the smell of wet earth all around him. Then he remembered. "ALASTAIR! ALASTAIR PLEASE!" He screamed. He started to hit and kick the wood. "DONT LEAVE ME PLEASE! PLEASE ALASTAIR!"  He screamed until his voice was hoarse. Until he felt light headed, until he couldn't cry anymore. And no matter how hard he hit or kicked or scratched or pushed, no matter how loud he yelled, he knew he couldn't escape, no one would find him. No one was coming for him.

Hours later he heard it. It was muffled. It was almost impossible to hear. But he heard it. Someone was yelling. Was it Alastair? Did he take pity on him? At least he wouldn't die in a hole. He tried banging on the wood again. The voice stopped for a second. Then slowly again, they got closer. He did it again and again. Until finally he heard it right on top of him. Did Alastair forget where he was buried? There was a long pause, almost eight minutes. Then there was something like a scratching noise. He was being dug out? He continued to hit the coffin. He wanted to get out so badly. Almost five minutes later the dirt was letting rain fall trough, and he heard the most beautiful sound.

"CAS?!!"

"DEAN?" He screamed. It couldn't be dean. There was no way. Was he dead? That would make this heaven right? But he didn't deserve heaven...

Dean pulled and broke the surface of the coffin and cleared the wood out of the way. "God damn Cas, this psycho did that to you? Oh god..." He saw up close how much worse Castiel was. His broken arm had been stabbed through and his leg looked so twisted, his face was swelling and he was going to get so sick if he didn't get some clothes on right now. "Here" Dean bent down over Castiel's side and lifted him out of the hole as best he could. Once above ground, he gave Cas his Leather jacket and carried him on his back. "Don't worry, ill get you to the hospital, Everyone else is on the way." He got them to the car and left Cas in the front seat while he went off to look for Sam. But Castiel Didn't want to let go. "Don't worry Angel, here, take my phone, and theres a .45 under the seat. Its loaded. Jo's gonna be here first but if you need anything, just call anybody on that thing. Ok?" Castiel wasn't ok with it but he couldn't bring himself to speak. So he just sat clutching the phone for dear life, Dean gave him a kiss in the forehead and closed the door. Slowly the shock started to sink in.  Just as Dean said Jo came pulling up not ten minutes later, and came rushing to the car. Castiel was in so much shock he wasn't registering what she was saying, she eventually sat ext to him and waited.

Then she started moving, and Castiel looked up. Was she staring at something? She's getting out of the car? No wait stop waiving like that...Who was she waving .........oh no...

Castiel let out a scream. Jo was back in the car in a second and the Man started running to the car. She turned on the engine and the man stopped. The car started moving forward. Then it started moving faster. The man was running in the opposite direction, but the car followed. She was gonna run Alastair over with the Impala. Until Alastair pulled out a small pistol and shot the tire. The car spun out of control and crashed into the tombstones. Dean and Sam were just in time to be Alastair's next target. Jo was yelling something and The Winchesters were yelling back, but Castiel could only hear noise and feel the pounding of his head. He used his left hand to open the side of the car that wasn't stuck between the tombstones and rolled out, only to dry heave onto the wet ground. His leg was in excruciating pain but all he could think to do was drag himself to the front of the car and closer to Dean. He had to warn him, there was danger, he was in danger, then he remembered the gun, he reached back into the car and under the seat. As fast as he could, he dragged himself to the front. Sam and Dean were on their knees and hands behind their heads. They were yelling again and the noise was becoming a little more clear now, but he still couldn't focus. Castiel propped himself against the front tire, and aimed as best as he could with his left hand.

There was a loud bang. It was ear piercing and it sent all the noise back into nothing. Alastair went down. Sam and Dean were up and running in his direction, but he was so cold tired, the gun slipped out of his hand. Was it always this dark?

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok one last chapter. Badass Jo requested by Raven. Thanks Raven!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this is my first time EVER writing a fan fic. Take it easy on me, but don't hold back on areas that need improvement. Im using this as a new method of dealing with my depression to see if i can cope with it better. (just writing the draft made me feel steady) So yeah this fic is gonna be kinda dark. But I swear to Chuck a happy ending.


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